As my personal "protest" of the war, I have started fucking your wife while you're away fighting the people of Iraq. We always made eyes at each other, but your leaving has facilitated a "regime change." Let's just say there's no shortage of "shock and awe" tactics back home, either. Funny how a macho soldier like you can't please a lady. I do the simplest things and it makes her go wild. It looks like my "patriot missile" intercepted "your scud."
Your daughter and I made breakfast today, and went to the park. She asked where you were, and I told her you were killing Iraqi children, and might not make it back. She didn't seem so bothered with the latter. She slipped and called me "daddy" a couple of days ago--it was cute.
Don't worry; I'll keep up on your "homeland security," inventing new ways to please your wife, and driving your car. So keep dropping your bombs over there, and I'll keep dropping my "bombs" over here.