Kalah Allen
Magna Cum Fraud

Hey look, ma! I did it! Here I am in my cap and gown, holding the diploma, walking across the stage while you and dad snap photos and granny drools on the program. Aren't you proud? And get this: I paid someone to write my graduate thesis! I didn't do it at all! And now I'm graduated, and I am going to get a JOB! I have sometimes thought that I should feel guilty, but I do not. Those overblown idiot professors! They seemed to think that this project should have been the center of my career, but it isn't, you'll see. I'll work until I reach a healthy retirement age and NOTHING about my life will have been any different. My advice to anyone in an overbearing graduate program is this: Get online, find a good writer, negotiate a price per page, send your ideas, and get the damn thesis written for you! You might temporarily be a little bit poorer, but that is what student loans are for, you silly goose! Just fuck it and save yourself from hours and hours of reading, typing, editing, and torture! I did it! And look at me, mama!

--Anonymous