Kalah Allen
Pissing Poinsettias

Here are some things about me. For one, I hate pissing in public toilets. I also happen to love and enjoy communing with plants. So, around the holidays while I'm out on the town, doing my shopping and I have to take a piss--well, I get to combine my interests and have it be seasonally appropriate. I just go to the nearest garden center, head straight for the potted plants, and--being in the holiday spirit--when I get close to the poinsettias, I unzip my fly and pull out my (garden--ha ha!) hose and nestle in close to that lush red foliage. I pick up one plant and pretend to inspect it for purchase, all the while pissing in the pot below. Oh, how I love pissing in the great outdoors! So when you're out shopping for bright poinsettias or other plants to make your home or office more festive, don't forget to sniff the soil. Perhaps I've given them my best. --Anonymous