Kalah Allen
For Poorer

Your voice on the radio derails my good nature. I'm talking to you, the engagement ring commercial guy. You flap your face about how I need to drop a month or four's worth of salary to buy the woman I love a goddamn ring! You even cajole and joke like you're my buddy, just giving me a word of advice. As if love could be measured in dollars--as if, you insistently claim, a damn diamond could render me immune to marital problems! It's people like you who make people like me furious about the prospect of marriage! It used to be that a couple could commit to a life together without diving headlong into debt. But nooooÉ you have convinced people that the key to happiness is a $100,000 wedding. News flash: People can be happy with a simple ring, can get married without bankrupting their future, and can deal with the challenges of marriage without playing the "But honey, I got you that ring you wanted!" card. So take your annoying ads and fuck off. The fattest diamond in the world couldn't make up for the pitiful shit I've endured on the radio. I'm changing the channel. --Anonymous