Kalah Allen
'Twas the Season

My dear fellow townspeople: Rest assured that I too adore the Yuletide season and all that it represents. I even enjoy lights, blow up deer, and other seasonally appropriate decorations. But do you know what? It's fucking March, for God's sake! The robins are back, eating worms in the yard next to your garden nativity! Flowers are starting to think about blooming! And that means it's time for YOU to start thinking about removing all the lights, tinsel, and holly. If you're too lazy or busy to actually get out there and remove the crap, AT LEAST please stop turning on your lights display every evening. Frankly, keeping your decorations up this late just cheapens that magical time when it's APPROPRIATE to decorate your house. A few days ago I passed by one house with plastic Valentine's hearts suspended in the middle of a five-foot Christmas wreath. It's not about layering, people. --Anonymous