Kalah Allen
Movie Madness

To the goddamned Irish whale-man who wouldn't let me in to see an R-rated Movie: Dear Motherfucker, movies are the most important information medium of all time. Your conformity to the rigid rules established by psychopathic soccer moms has shattered my movie-going dreams and replaced them with the image of your hippo ass and the dry repetition of Nazi regulations. The fact that you are unable to smile has caused me to think that you derive your only pleasures by using your iron grip and imaginary sense of power and control to make people like me cry. Guess what? You have a dead end job catering to sadists and pedophiles. Meanwhile, decent, hardworking people like myself are getting shafted for accidentally leaving their IDs at home. Hopefully, reading this will inspire you to wrap an extra, extra large noose around your chubby neck and to kick the stool from under your feet. But your fat ass will probably cause the support beam to break, making me hate you even more. Fuck you. --Anonymous