Kalah Allen
My Brain is Awesome

I just want to take a moment to thank my brain for all of the little things it does to make my life more pleasant. For instance: it kindly replaces otherwise horrible, dirty, embarrassing, inappropriate, and lewd memories with beautiful, tidy blocks of absolute blankness. This is something that I have never had to ask for. Nor have I ever questioned its sense of timing. Without this gift, as you might imagine, I would probably be dead of shame and depravity. Sometimes jerk-offs will try to sabotage the fruit of this gift by trying to talk to me in sentences that start out with things like, "What was up with YOU last night? Do you rememberÉ " But because of my brain, I can thankfully say, "UmÉ hmmÉ nope, I don't remember. Uh-uh." Thank you, you sweet, sweet lump of gray matter. It is because of you that I can say with a clear conscience that I have no memories of having ever done anything I regret. Again, thank you. --Anonymous