Kalah Allen
Cheers to You, Goddamnit!

Portland Hipsters are becoming increasingly more retarded these days. The most recent example I've noticed is the emergence of the term "Cheers!" First of all, unless you're tapping a glass to mine, or talking about Sam Malone being a washed up drunk or maybe recalling backwoods Woody and his scatter-brained antics, do not fucking say "Cheers!" to me. When I'm buying your shitty organic fruit from the hip little co-op store you work in, don't fucking say "Cheers!" as you hand me my bag of apples. When I hand you the latte I made for your pansy ass, don't even think about saying "Cheers!" If you do I'll shove your trucker hat so far up your ass, your stomach will wish it could still catch shows at the Blackbird. You're not from Great Britain, and you're not cute or original when you say it. You're probably the same cocksuckers that put "da bomb" into circulation. So keep "Cheers!" for when you're drinking PBR and congratulating each other on your new Casio keyboard purchases. You fucking sheep. --Anonymous