Kalah Allen
Guitar Dissenter

I play electric guitar and love gear as much as any other player, but I fucking hate having to shop for it because of asshole salesmen. Like the "Let me get that for you" line when I reach for a guitar like I couldn't possibly know how to hold it. Fuck them in the ass without lube for my having to endure the inevitable 10-second blues riff that's supposed to "wow" me into buying the guitar. Those who "can't" become teachers. Those who "can't teach" become salesmen.

Want to know how to shut these guys up? Ask them about their band. "Yeah, we're like a mix of Led Zeppelin, Metallica, and a touch of Pink Floyd with our own tweaks here and there," will invariably be their response. Your reply? "Sounds like you should be the greatest band that ever existed. How do you find time to sell guitars between world tours?" They'll mutter "asshole" as they slink away, leaving you with ample space to try out a guitar without hassle, and you'll get the satisfaction of knowing you clued them in to the fact their shitty prog-rock band will never make it past opening for an opening band. --Anonymous