Kalah Allen
Home Sweet Depot

I know it is complete heresy to say this in liberal Portland, but I wish you douchepipe morons would stop shitting all over Home Depot and Lowe's hardware for trying to build a store over the now dead Baloney Joe's on East Burnside.

I know it's great to support local shops, which I do whenever I can... but Christ on a stick, I'm a working guy with a long commute, and when I need to get a copper pipe at 8 pm, am I gonna get it at one of those wholesome local stores? Fuck no! Because those places are closed at the shitsome hour of 5 pm and on Sunday! Fine for all you former Bay Area cocks who live off your old real estate profits when you got fired from the Industry Standard, but I can't shop for a piece of trim at three in the afternoon… I'M WORKING!

Home Depot stays open until 9 pm, which has saved my ass on countless occasions. Hey, I love The Water Heater King just as much as you do, and I'll suck the cock of Winks' Hardware, sure, but go fuck yourself in your blissful little dream world if you think that everyone who lives in inner Southeast doesn't need a late-night hardware store. --Anonymous