Kalah Allen
Keeping the Home Fires Burly

This goes out to all the out of shape, bon-bon eating, fatass, dumpy-looking military spouses we are forced to see on television and in the newspaper each week. Here's a novel concept: Rather than sitting around stuffing your face with food and trying to get everyone to feel sorry for you, why don't you drag your ass to the gym and give your spouses something to look forward to when they get back? I know for a fact that, as military dependents, you can use the exercise facilities on all military bases for free. Ask yourself honestly: Do you really think they will appreciate the 50-plus pounds you've put on since they left? Let's see… they put their lives on the line everyday, while you became a poster child for adult obesity. Sure, upon arrival you will get some sex, but that will soon turn to pity sex, because that is all your fat ass deserves. Try showing your appreciation by turning yourself into something they could be proud of. --Anonymous