I went to see the Timbers play, and sat with the "Army." You know, you shitheads (who spend more time watching the crowd than the game) have turned into real corporate dictators. You threatened to beat me up for shouting, "You suck, asshole." Last season you were screaming shit like that out at every game! But no, since the owner doesn't make enough money by selling $8 beers, it's been decided that catering to bullshit devil-spawn children and their Hillsboro families is the answer, meaning that the formerly rowdy Timbers Army had to chill the fuck out. Well, fuck that! Let the placid suburban breeders have every other shitty team in Portland. You say, "But the owners might take away our privileges if we keep it up." The Timbers Army sold their freedom of speech for the privilege of being allowed to carry a three-foot-long flagpole?!! Fuck that, too! Timbers Army, you're not fans, you're sellouts, and you all deserve a headbutt. You suck, assholes!—Anonymous
The Timbers Dis-Army
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.