Kalah Allen

To all of you women who're wondering what happened to all the nice guys... FUCK YOU! I have been a "nice guy" for 32 years and am happy to say "NO MORE!" I, a decent, hardworking, good-looking, door-opening, polite professional (and a fucking KING in the bedroom!) sit here single, in a town where even the FAT women are beautiful! I have let all of you walk all over me long enough! You have used me for the last time! No! I won't be your friend! No! I don't think those pants make your ass look good! No! I don't care about your fucking ratty-assed accessory dog. No! I won't help you move out of your ex boyfriend's house. No! I won't let you crash at my house cuz he got drunk again and you don't feel safe. No! I won't loan you a pair of boxers to sleep in! I'm gonna go out tonight and tell some dingbat 21-year-old blonde with big tits that I think she looks like Britney Spears. Then I'm gonna get us both wasted, bring her home, get my rocks off, and tell her to call a cab from the pay phone down the street. —Anonymous