Dear Ladies—I am but a humble servant employed to buy and resell your fashions. My job is fun. I love clothes and I love meeting so many new and crazy people. Here is what I do NOT love: For safety and health purposes, I must check the crotch of all pants. Just the other day I'm chatting with a charming young lady. She's off to Europe in a week and has it all planned out. Unfortunately she hadn't planned out the laundering of her pants. I open them up, and BAM!?! There is a snail trail from front to back, her yellow crusty vagina marks. The putrid smell of her vagina slaps me in the face. I almost tear up. I want to puke. I don't even know her first name. She blathers on while I gracefully pass on her pants, and try to act like all is well. All I have to say is next time you better introduce yourself. For future reference: I do NOT want to personally handle your bloody, crusty, yellow with discharge, shitty, rancid, used-condom-in-the-pocket, sweaty, roast beef-smelling VAGINA PANTS!—Anonymous
Putrid Pants Patrol
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