Kalah Allen

I drive a Mini Cooper... I love the car, but never in a million years did I ever think that such a bunch of total douchebags would start driving them. Fucking sorority girls, lame-ass real estate agents, soccer moms, boring-ass geriatrics who have recently retired and want to rediscover their youth and hipness... "Let's Motor." How about, "Let's tuck your dicks between your legs and fuck yourselves!!!" It's bad enough that I have to get scowls and "That's a cute little car" comments from Hillsboro and Milwaukie monster truck-driving dickheads who are secretly jealous of my low gas mileage. Now I have to deal with the "Mini Wave" that I get from other Mini drivers as a sign of so-called solidarity among "Us." Fuck all y'all motherfuckers!!! You don't know me, and I hate you with your British Flag decal on the top of your car, lame-ass racing stripes, and calling the trunk the "Boot" and the hood the "Bonnet." Lick my fucking "Clit Bonnet," you cunt. I wouldn't cross the street to piss in your throat if your lungs were on fire, much less return your lame-ass wave. What next, are these dildos gonna take something cool like Vespa motor scooters and turn them lame as fuck? Oh wait...—Anonymous