Kalah Allen

Few things are more nauseating than some anti-child liberal claiming they haven't reproduced for "the sake of the planet." Maybe it's really because no one wants to reproduce with you. Take, for example, people who go to "The Bite" to enjoy wine, only to complain like little girly men when confronted with—gasp—actual real live children! Anti-kid Nazis have proliferated all over America—you find them on planes, restaurants, malls, etc., and are all united by one thing: They seem to have forgotten they were children once. Now that they're all growed up, they seem to think everyone should have a vasectomy and become depressing, child-hating nerds like they are. Fortunately, they will soon be outbred by those of us who think more guests improve a party. Try to remember that we are the ones creating the taxpayers who pay into the social security your self-absorbed barren selves will need when you reach 70 and realize no one's coming to your funeral except all the harried parents who can't wait to dance on your grave.—Anonymous