Kalah Allen

As I sat on my couch to enjoy the view from my front window, I realized a void. Something that I had become accustomed to seeing daily, since my father had given it to me for Christmas a few years back, and that I had proudly displayed since November 2, 2004—the day I took down my stars and stripes and posted the dark blue flag of Oregon, because it was the day half of America reelected that MORON! However, this is to the loathsome fuck who stole that cherished Oregon flag, right off my porch, pole and all. Did you know Oregon became a state on February 14, 1859? Bet not! Did you know the Oregon flag is the only double-sided flag, with different pictures on each side, in the union? Of course not—you're an imbecile! Did you know that this unique flag was officially adopted in 1925? How could you know? You're a parasite! Don't fly that flag outside, motherfucker, or you'll be hearing a knock at your door and a subsequent foot in your ass!! SHIT BAG!!!—Anonymous