Illustration by Kalah Allen

Dear young males under the age of 25: I know it's cool to be emo and fuzzy, but I can't stand to go near your nether regions... they're smelly and hairy. I know you want to be masculine, and you can have a hairy chest, even a beard/moustache—I know that's the style now. But if you expect any person, male or female, to go down there and have fun, then trim. I'm not saying you need to shave all your pubes off, but for the person who is gonna give your member and nuggets attention, we would like a clean area to work with. We don't want to get hair in our teeth or mouth, and we don't like your pubes tickling our noses—it's not cute! In this day and age there are things called hair trimmers, found at your local beauty supply. Use them. Plus, it makes your member look bigger! Wow, what a concept! There is a reason why Bigfoot went extinct... he was also hairy where it counts!—Anonymous