But despite violent protests from critics, religious groups and politically correct organizations, these wonderfully bad ideas just keep on getting produced. Why? Because no amount of impotent screaming means a goddamn thing to a desperate, ratings-hungry TV executive whose job is on the line. And boy, oh, BOY! Are they desperate! In 2005, expect some high-concept, low-quality CRAP. Check these shows out!
*Stuck on Dirty (Spike TV, January 2005): This reality show starring rapper Ol' Dirty Bastard was filmed a few months before he died, and was immediately shelved. But now that he's kicked the bucket, look for it on a TV near you! There's only one word to describe the simple premise of the show: AWWWWESOME! In order to win $25,000, a contestant named "Bob" has to stay within 10 feet of the completely insane ODB for several days--hence the title, Stuck on Dirty. Both are equipped with an electronic monitoring system that beeps whenever they're separated by more than 10 feet, and when it does, Bob loses a portion of his prize money. It's a great idea, and now that Dirty's dead--why not do a sequel?
* Untitled INXS Project (Debuting sometime in 2005): Mark Burnett (producer of Survivor and The Apprentice) has announced he's working on a brand new reality show, which will look for a replacement lead singer for INXS. That's right... a replacement for Michael Hutchence. Who died. From self-strangulation while masturbating in a closet. I won't go into the challenges, but trust me: Getting "immunity" on this show is crucial.
* Untitled Martha Stewart Post-Prison Reality Show (NBC, debuting mid-2005): According to The Hollywood Reporter, NBC is close to sealing the deal for a "competition reality show" similar to Survivor starring lifestyle maven Martha Stewart--that is, as soon as she gets out of the can. Just think of the possibilities! Like how about a Martha Stewart Prison Bake-Off, where contestants bake culinary delights that include hacksaws, shivs, and guns? Or what about a Martha Stewart Prison Break game, where you're instructed to escape from a minimum-security prison, but first you have to obsessively shine the bars of your cell? Or how about a game where Martha chases nude contestants around a prison shower with a splintery broom handle? (I haven't thought of a name for that one yet--but I'm working on it!)