Hey, slacker! Cut your hair! Get a job! Contribute to society! Make me a sandwich! And most importantly, show some GODDAMN RESPECT for Presidents' Day! That's right—it's Presidents' Day this week (Mon Feb 20), which means it's time to dump that too-cool-for-school attitude and pop some deserved props for those brave souls who sacrificed their sanity to lead our country. (Except for Bush, who's lucky he doesn't get a foot in his nutsack for screwing this nation into oblivion.)
And I'm not just talking about Washington and Lincoln either! Apparently there were at least 41 other presidents (including that dickwipe Bush), each with a fascinating story to tell. Take for example the 13th president, Millard Fillmore, who served from 1850 to 1853. Did you know that Fillmore was originally President Zachary Taylor's vice president, and only got the job because Taylor died of acute indigestion? And when he was unable to secure the support of his own party (the Whigs) for reelection, Fillmore accepted the nomination of the "Know Nothing Party"? (That's desperate!) And that just before he died, he drank a bowl of soup and uttered those famous last words: "The nourishment is palatable"? Yay, presidents! There's so much to learn!
But along with the Fillmores, the Garfields, the Van Burens, and the Polks, there are a host of TV presidents that also deserve our consideration, if not our vote. For example...
President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet (The West Wing, NBC, Sun, 8 pm). A founding father of TV presidents, Bartlet (Martin Sheen) is also the most complicated. Dealing with multiple sclerosis, as well as domestic crises that would make Bush poop his presidential panties, Bartlet still has time to be a great leader as well as a hard-ass jerk.
President Charles Logan (24, Fox, Mon, 9 pm). The very opposite of Bartlet, Logan (Gregory Itzin) got his job in a very Fillmoresque manner after President Keeler's plane was shot down by mean terrorists. Indecisive, politically paranoid, and rather sweaty, Logan is no former President Palmer (in that he's a pasty lump of cookie dough, as opposed to Palmer, who's a wicked-hot black guy).
President Laura Roslin (Battlestar Galactica, SCI FI, Fri, 10 pm). Oh, surrrrrre. Now it's all popular to have a woman president on TV. But it was President Roslin (Mary McDonnell) who broke the mold when she became commander in chief of the surviving members of the human race on Battlestar Galactica. (True, this all takes place in the distant future, and true, she was 43rd in line to become president, after the Cylons nearly wiped out the entire government—but she's still twice the man Bush is.)
President Mackenzie Allen (Commander in Chief, ABC, Tues, 9 pm). Clearly TV's hottest president... although that's not saying a lot. President Allen (Geena Davis) also pulled a Fillmore by ascending to the office after her predecessor croaked. Pros: She's tough, liberal-ish, and her husband is the "First Lady." (HAW!) Cons: The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it. I mean, C'MON! Millard Fillmore never needed collagen implants!