Jeremy Eaton

As a general rule, I don't enjoy vomiting. Nor do I really enjoy watching people vomit. However, the act of vomit-ation has become extremely popular in both cinema and television. Let's take movies, for example: Whenever something super gross or emotional happens in a film (such as the protagonist discovering his wife's decapitated head in a FedEx box)... BLARF!

The trouble with "vomiting on film" is that the regurgitation always looks staged—you can always tell the actor is carrying around a small bowl of split pea soup in his mouth right before he deposits it on the ground next to a dumpster. Then comes the overacting: holding the stomach, shaking violently, and coughing and spitting like he has a motor oil-covered gerbil stuck in his throat.

However! If you want realistic vomiting, all one needs to do is watch practically any episode of The Real World or Cops. In reality—or at least in reality programming—the act of regurgitation is as commonplace as tying one's shoes. These people vomit while sitting in hot tubs, making out, getting Tasered by the police, discussing baseball scores, or eating sushi... and rarely miss a beat before continuing on to their next mundane task (after which they'll probably vomit again).

And while the act of hyperemesis (that's fancy talk for VOMIT!) may be as common as herpes sores on Charlie Sheen, that certainly doesn't mean I want to see it. Everybody makes a huge deal when two male TV characters kiss, but nobody says a word when the Jackass guys swallow leeches and then blow chunks into their own underpants (which seems even more homoerotic, if you ask me).

That being said, I'm bizarrely excited about a new game show coming this week to the G4 network entitled Hurl! which is all about... well... I'm sure you can make an educated guess. From the press release: "Hurl! is a hilarious new series that combines speed-eating with outrageous physical challenges. The contestant who holds his or her food down the longest claims victory." Now, I only have one question:

WHY HASN'T SOMEONE THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE?!?But it gets even better! If the contestants can successfully keep the food inside their stomachs after a ride on a nausea-inducing machine... then they eat MORE FOOD! And then they ride more spinny-twisty rides! And ad infinitum until there's not a speck of Chef Boyardee's SpaghettiOs left in their tum-tums!

Take, for example, an upcoming episode aptly entitled "Balls of Hurl." Again from the press release: "Contestants eat as much mac 'n' cheese as they can, then strap into steel-caged human bowling balls and careen down LA's famous 2nd Street Tunnel. Pumpkin pie awaits those who don't blow chunks in the balls... and then it's on to another spin!"

WTF?!? Isn't this what they do to terror suspects at Guantanamo Bay? And that example is just the tip of this vomitous iceberg! So for the love of god—even if the sight of people blarfing makes you blarf—DO NOT MISS the series debut of Hurl! this Tuesday, July 15, at 9 pm. It'll put the enjoyment back in disgorgement!