Andrea J. Wright
On Friday, July 19th at Berbati's, Nicole beat out eight other contestants to be crowned the very first "Mrs. Portland Mercury." How did she do it? Nicole made a concerted attack from all fronts: For the "Creative Costume" portion of the evening, she dressed as a PBR can. In the "Watersports" (aka "swimsuit") competition, she flopped around on stage in a stunning mermaid ensemble. And for her "talent," she wowed both crowd and judges with her stirring rendition of Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back"--assisted by three hotsy-totsy dancers.

We sat down with Nicole a few days after the competition, and asked her to reflect on this great honor--as well as tell us what the future holds.

Why are you so great?

I am so great because I have a good heart, and I'm accomplishing many things. Like right now I'm an intern at a local news station. I'll also be interning for the Ricki Lake show when I go back to school in September--I'm getting my bachelor's in journalism. I've totally turned my life around, cause in high school I had no direction. I am a self-made woman.

Now that you've been crowned Mrs. Portland Mercury, will you use your power for good or evil?

Neither I'm going to use it for vanity. I got into this pageant as a joke, but I worked hella hard, and so I think I deserve everything positive that comes my way. I did use it to get some free drinks after the pageant, though.

Do you think bearing the title of Mrs. Portland Mercury will get you more "action?" Like, "in the sack?"

I don't know, but it sure has been a while. I saw some guys peepin' me out at the pageant--but I wasn't trying to pick folks up, I was just trying to represent in my tiara and sash. Well I did try to pick up one of the staff members, but no luck. But just on a side note--don't be scared, I like vanilla as well as chocolate.

Did you ever think you might lose the pageant?

Well, I didn't know if some of the judges would be offended by my "Have you slapped a skinny bitch today?" statement. I also don't consider myself creative, and I was nervous of the other contestants' costumes. Some of them definitely gave me some tough competition. I knew if I didn't win I was going to be pissed, cause I worked really hard.

Do people stop you on the street (for any reason)?

Yeah, to ask me for a fucking cigarette or some change. That's so annoying, but I saw the first runner-up the next night and she yelled across the crowd, "Oh my god! Is that Mrs. Portland Mercury?"

Your platform was "repping for the big girls." For those who weren't in attendance, could you reiterate your very important message?

My message is that big is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful, and that sexy is not a size. I do not hate thin women, and I hope people didn't get that impression. I just wish we lived in a society where Southwest Airlines doesn't try to charge plus-size people for two seats. I think big women should love their bodies no matter what. Oh! One thing I hate is when people say you have "such a pretty face" say that to a skinny girl, she will definitely be just as offended as I am. It's not fat, but PHAT, as in "Pretty, Hot, And Tempting," because no one has ever heard of a sexy toothpick, AND ONLY A DOG WANTS A BONE!!!