At work, I saw you walking out of the store with a Synergy kombucha. You walked past me shaking the bottle like a fucking can of spray paint. During the vigorous shaking, it flew out of your hand and shattered on the floor. And because it was so shaken up, it sent glass and stinky-ass kombucha shit flying everywhere. I started to clean up the mess, and saw you go back for another one (free of charge). Just as I finished cleaning up, I saw you coming back in the store, holding the second bottle away from you, with stinky-ass kombucha shit spewing and foaming like a goddamn volcano out of it—obviously you shook that one the same way. The best part wasn't you holding it, watching it spill out like a stupid moron, or the fact you had already broken one. No, the best part was you, stupid kombucha bitch, leaving another trail of stinky-ass kombucha shit through the entire goddamn store on your way to help yourself to ANOTHER ONE. What the fuck? Have you never had this stuff before??? Or do you just shake everything like a fucking can of spray paint? Thanks a lot, stupid, and you're fucking welcome for the free, endless supply of rotten-mushroom-vinegar-tea-mucous.—Anonymous
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