Kalah Allen
OK, you little flaccid bastard, I know we've had our differences--I smack you around too much and rarely use lubricant, and you're always hard when I don't need you and limp when I do. We hate each other, and I'm fine with that, but please don't do it. Don't pee on my leg.

Don't think I didn't notice you rolled up in a little sweaty ball. I know what you're planning. You're going to split the stream in two; one ending up on the floor and the other ending up all over my pants. Well, I have a job interview in 5 minutes, so think of somebody besides yourself for a change.

If you pee on me, I swear to Christ, it's the last straw. I'll go fuckin' Bobbit on your ass. The pain and humiliation you have caused me over the years far outweighs the good. Remember, I can easily live without you, but you can never survive without me.

And don't think your two little ugly buddies are free and clear. I'm sick of their shit. One's always aching and the other is always sucked up inside of me. Not to mention the fact that they just don't look right. I've seen enough porno to know what a pair of balls is supposed to look like, and there is something seriously wrong here. So tell them this from me--if they get in my way one more time I'm going to lay them in a paper cutter and--SWOOSH! Good-bye testes! And that's a fuckin' promise.--Anonymous