LET'S GET HOUSEDDEAR MERCURY—With regard to your article about the evils being done by Portland area landlords, ["Movin' on Down," Letters, Dec 14]: I am not here to defend slumlords who rent poorly maintained buildings to the disadvantaged and I am not here to defend the development of million-dollar condominiums that are little more than investment "toys" for the carpet-bagging elite who are being lured into the market with low interest rates, property tax abatements, and the notion of cheap celebrity at the thought of being part of the latest "housing trend." But I am here to defend the relatively small community of condominium developers who work long hours and take great risks to bring affordable homes to this and other urban markets.
Carson M. Horton
MONEY TALKSDEAR MERCURY—It is time to make a counterpoint to your ill-advised suggestion that strippers shut the hell up ["19 Things Not Invited Back to 2007!" Feature, Dec 28]. I am not a stripper, but I think I speak for women in general when I say: "Want us to shut up? Fine. Open your fucking wallet, you pasty, middle-aged, suburban-dwelling lard-ass, and speak through your almighty consumer dollar." I don't know for a fact what they pay editors of cheesy weekly rags like yours, but I think it's a safe guess that burning up your paycheck shouldn't take much longer than emptying the laundry bag at a nudist camp.
THE WHOLE ASSING
DEAREST PORTLAND MERCURY—Some comments about your 19 things not invited issue. ["19 Things Not Invited Back to 2007!" Feature, Dec 28] Under "half-assing it," you claim to "full ass it." If so, then why do you have only 19 things not invited this year instead of 20 like you apparently did last year? Didn't you only 95-percent-ass it?
DEAR MERCURY—Wow, whoever wrote the section of the 19 things not invited back in '07 that involved the people who unfortunately got lost while trying to enjoy/explore the Oregon natural wilderness is obviously lacking compassion and a sense of the mortal coil ["19 Things Not Invited Back to 2007!" Feature, Dec 28]. Your writer is dead wrong and living a narrow life with a lack of compassion and an overdose of uninvolved, inexperienced, judgmental criticism.
THE OTHER "N" WORD
DEAR MERCURY—In the Vol. 7 No. 31 issue was a letter by a Mr./Mrs. "Anonymous Vancouver Resident" [Best Letters of 2006, Dec 28]. The overall subject of that letter is irrelevant; what's more a cause for alarm is the last sentence in which it ends: "A little daily downtime in a traffic tie-up is a small price to pay for not having a MAX line and the NEGRO problem it would undoubtedly import." Now I [guess] I understand how a gaggle of white, obnoxious hipsters running a hip publication might not take notice of the "other" N-word. But try and understand that there are more blacks in this city than most of YOU PEOPLE realize, and believe it or not, a few of "US" actually read the Mercury.
THE VAGINA DEFENSE
DEAR MERCURY—This letter is about a week late, but I'm fucking busy and wouldn't have written at all if I didn't feel so strongly about Ann Romano's correctness in referring to Brit's vag as a vag back in the December 14 One Day at a Time, and so strongly about Morgan Shanafelt's holier-than-thou fucked-up attitude in December 21st's Letters to the Editor. I have news for you, Miss "Prescriptive Grammar" Shanafelt, and that news is: EVERYBODY FUCKING KNEW WHAT ANN MEANT WHEN SHE SAID VAGINA, and IF SHE HAD SAID VULVA, everyone would have been FUCKING CONFUSED. Your letter last week starts with "It's pretty bad when..." What the fuck is so goddamn fucking bad when Ann shreds Britney for being a ho, everybody gets it, and laughs their asses off?
AnonymousCONGRATULATIONS TO ANONYMOUS for defending Ann Romano for calling a vag a vag! While we don't normally condone anonymity in letters to the editor, we're making an exception because of the gusto with which Anonymous has grasped the spirit of the vaginal subject matter at hand. Anonymous gets two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and lunch for two at No Fish! Go Fish!, where you best keep your vag off the table.