ANDREW WILL SMASH!

DEAR JULIANNE: I would like to respond to your critical and mocking editorial of the Andrew Smash restaurant [Last Supper, Jan 4]. Your taste buds are clearly distorted. Our burgers you claim are joyless have been loved by thousands of meat eaters and vegetarians alike over the past 5 years. Perhaps next time you will try a cutlet. The spuds you claim taste like hardened instant mashed potatoes are made from whole cut potatoes and baked.

You are correct as far as the ketchup; we do not use Heinz, we use Hunt's.

Our mission is simply to give consumers a choice from the heart attack world of McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, etc. All our products are meat-eater tested and vegetarian approved. And based on your final criticism of the atmosphere, it is clear that it is not our burgers that are joyless, but you.

Kenneth G. Landau, CPA/CFO
Andrew Smash Founder and Believer in a Better World


THE GREAT "CRATE VS. PEAVEY" DEBATE

DEAR PM AND LORENNA TUNER: [Re: Letters section, Jan 4, in which a disgruntled musician claims she plays a Peavey, and Peavey's are good.] I have a degree in Electronic Music Technology and have worked for many years as a technician in Minnesota. I hate to bum out some starving musician types, but both amplifiers mentioned are crap.

A truly talented performer can make even the battery powered PigSnout sound unique and decent; for live performances however, you might consider running the console through a stack of Peavey CS800's since they are a good product and everyone could hear every last note. That is assuming your sound person isn't on smack.

I can tell you from experience that one still has to learn to play--whatever you've got. Musicians who get all haughty about their gear usually don't have anything else to brag about.

Sillydog


AN ACTUAL FAN OF TEJARATCHI

TO THE EDITOR: Being a loyal reader from the early days of your paper, it was with nauseating dismay that I read "From Where I Stand," the last submission from the illustrious columnist S. Tejaratchi in the January 4th Mercury. Though not surprising, you obviously can't comprehend the genius of this man which ultimately has driven you to such a rash decision as to fire him. Once again our society feels compelled to pull down the truly great because we're uncomfortable with their eccentricities. Could it be that the mental wards are actually locking us out the world of enlightenment? I start to ponder these types of questions when I see behavior such as that exhibited by the staff of the Mercury.

It is a travesty to see these actions taken against a man who can unabashedly call a midget a midget. Therefore, I fervently implore you to reinstate him or witness the fiery end to your beloved paper.

Eliot

S. Tejaratchi responds: Your sarcasm is grossly out of place, sir. Whereas I sought to use my critical faculties to nourish and build, yours served only to ridicule, and so remain unpalatable. I have always said: if you cannot give insight that will help others rectify their errors, then silence is usually in order.


ANOTHER SATISFIED CUSTOMER

DEAR ANN ROMANO: [Re: One Day at a Time] I just want you to know how awesome I think you are. I love your wit and humor. You are one of my heroes and I want you to adopt me as your sister.

Rene Siracusa


CALLING ALL LOVEBIRDS!

HEY READERS: Do you love "love"? Well, the Mercury loves "love," too! That's why we're giving you this terrific opportunity to write a valentine to the shmoopy-woopy in your life, and we'll print it in our upcoming Valentines issue (on Feb 8). Now the entire world can bear witness to your perfect, endless LOVE! And even better? It's absolutely FREE!!

Simply email your sweet whispers of amour to VALENTINE@PORTLANDMERCURY. COM, submit online at WWW.PORTLANDMERCURY.COM, or snail mail it to Valentine!, c/o Portland Mercury, 1524 NW 23rd Ave, Suite 2, Portland, 97210.

And PLEASE! Keep your valentine under 30 words, do NOT use your loved one's last name, and no phone calls please! The deadline is January 25, so get crackin' and send your valentine in TODAY! Love won't wait forever, ya know!