EVEN JESUS LOVES THE MERCURY

TO THE EDITOR: I just want to say I am impressed with the way in which Katia Dunn reported "The Big Tony Hawk in the Sky" [Feature, Jan 3]. Though Christians are certainly not exempt from their share of extremism, I think the liberal media often times nullifies any open-mindedness they so boldly claim, by casting anything Christian in a mocking and berating manner. Hats off to Katia Dunn, who actually refrained from this path of least resistance and reported her story in a fair and honest manner.

Considering the in-your-face, ultra-liberal stance that the Mercury normally exudes, I figured she would have had a field day at the thought of a skateclub that was (gasp) Christian. Thank you for being open-minded (something just as rare on the Left as it is on the Right) enough by not branding this group of people as if they were right-wing zealots of the lunatic fringe.

Aaron Freier


TRINA SEEMS ANGRY ABOUT PRESIDENT BUSH'S VISIT TO PORTLAND

TO THE EDITOR: Oh, what a lovely afternoon, watching Portland's finest sitting in their police cars getting paid double time reading the Oregonian as every I-84 overpass was blocked off, awaiting the arrival of the BIG BUSH!!!

WHY, OH, WHY, VERA, DIDN'T YOU JUST HIRE A F#C^&*G HELICOPTER AND SCOOT HIS STICKY BUTT TO YOUR PRIVATE AFFAIR INSTEAD OF SUCKING OUR ALREADY DRY CITY OF MORE TAX MONEY? Loved the thought of what would have happened if, GASP, we had a real disaster.

Why didn't you take a tip from a familiar loser like Nancy Reagan and JUST SAY NO when Georgie wanted to come to town? I guess you're hoping his supposed 90% approval rating will rub off on your SORRY-ASS TEETH!! Every driver and pedestrian stuck behind the overpass entrances, who missed their flights, appointments, classes, and were late for work should stick you with the bill as well.

Trapped in transit Trina


SOILED MATTRESS EXPOSED!

ALERT PEOPLE OF THE MERCURY: Enclosed is a 10,000% absolutely credible photograph--taken by undercover surveillance cameras--of former "Soiled Mattress Down by the River" [who was reportedly killed by the Portland Streetcar last year] escaping down Grand Avenue! And, if Soiled Mattress is alive, where has Osama bin hidin'?

Nan Iris

Congratulations to Nan Iris for winning the Mercury "Letter of the Week!" For her revealing photo-journalistic essay, which exhibits proof that Soiled Mattress Down by the River and Osama bin Laden were perhaps NOT killed by the Portland Streetcar, Nan wins two passes to the Laurelhurst Theater. Rest assured the Mercury will continue to look into this conspiracy. In the mean time, send your rants, lovenotes or crackpot theories to the address above and you could be our next winner!


AND ANOTHER THING!

HEY READERS! Have you checked out the new Mercury Personals Online? Well, it just may blow your freaking mind! Perfect for those who may be scared of hooking up with a skank, Mercury Personals Online provides PICTURES of the hunk or honey in question, as well as the chance to engage in email romances, and those "online chats" the kids are so crazy about. Think you can get this kind of service from other papers in town? Hell no, because one of the Mercury's main goals is accessing the latest in technological advances in order to GET YOU LAID (preferably in this century)! So go right this second to portlandmercury.com, click on "Personals" and get the hottie you've always hoped for--TODAY.