TO THE EDITOR: No wonder "Getting It" is so fond of massaging showerheads; with such a narrow-minded approach to hygiene, it's probably all she can "get" [Letters, Feb 21, in which the writer advises women not to use soap on their hoo-ha's]! OF COURSE smart girlies know better than to force-feed their honeypots with bars of Irish Spring. But this is one hoo-ha that loves nothing better than to get down with a handful of mild soapy bubbles from naturally gentle soaps made with ingredients like olive oil and shea butter. Sometimes it's all we can do to keep our hands out of our pants when perusing the body wash in the natural foods section! (Mmm, essential oils) So don't stop lathering up your lovecaves, ladies just do it wisely, and DON'T FORGET TO RINSE.
This Hoo-ha Prefers Verbena
PRESIDENT, ITTY BITTY TITTY COMMITTEE
DEAR MARIE MARTIN: Way to go! I too recently had some extra boob removed, and I can't get enough of them now ["Where the Wild Things Were," Feb 14]! In fact, I keep lifting my shirt for any interested soul, much to the of praise my surgeon. Of course, I had to do my surgery the ghetto way, with no hospital stay. They just woke me up on the operating table and kicked me out. My 36DDD's are now a mere 36C, and quite perky, if I do say so myself. (I even lifted my shirt at Easter dinner, much to the horror of some male family members.)
TWO PERCENT MILK
TO THE EDITOR: I read Marie Martin's article "Where the Wild Things Were," with interest, as I too cut off the boobies ten years ago. I felt it was the best decision I ever made. Then, three years ago, I had my son and was DEVASTATED that I could not keep him healthy with my breast milk. The surgery takes out lactation tissue and disconnects milk ducts and, in most cases (surgery techniques have improved), a woman can no longer produce a full milk supply for her baby. When I was young, breastfeeding was the furthest thing from my mind. Once I was a mother, it was the only thing on my mind, and it caused me great pain that I could not easily nurse my baby.
Everyone who is considering the surgery (or who has had it) should read the wonderful book Defining Your Own Success: Breastfeeding After Reduction Surgery, by Diana West. It is filled with personal stories of women who have had surgery and then went on to nurse their babies, as well as important information about how to go about breastfeeding once one has lopped them off.
THE KATIA COMFORT ZONE
DEAR KATIA DUNN: First and foremost, I have always respected your writing. Upon seeing that you were going to step outside the "Katia comfort zone" to write a piece on the Joyce Hotel, that respect soared. It plummeted soon after ["Room 219," Feb 21]. You get an amazing opportunity to gain an understanding of a world by which you are evidently intimidated, and you bail--because you're scared.
Would one night have killed you? I bet you skipped out before the real lessons arose--not only about the residents, but about all the luxuries you have in comparison to some unfortunate souls who maybe made some bad decisions along the road. The sad thing is, they don't have personal cell phones they can use to phone-a-friend and rescue them from the "bad place." They don't have cozy little apartments or desk jobs. I sure as hell bet they have some stories though (of course, I guess we'll never know now )
I will continue to read the Mercury regardless, because it's good shit--but next time you get the opportunity to do a story with such potential power, tough it out. You're lucky to have that job, so tear some shit up while you can.
Congrats to N. Valentin for writing the Mercury "Letter of the Week"! If you'd like two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, send in your gripes or smooches to the address above, and you could be our next winner!
HEY DRUNKY McDRUNKERSON!
Don't forget! The deadline for the Drunk Poetry contest is WEDNESDAY, MARCH 6. Send your poetic ode to alcohol (which MUST rhyme and be 24 lines or less) to the address above, and you may win $57, a bottle of Robitussin, and some light bulbs. The winning entry will be published in our Drinking Issue coming soon!
And speaking of contests, TV nerds have the chance to win the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD. Whoopee-fuckin'-doo! See "I Love Television™" for details (page 27).