DEAR MERCURY: Usually brilliant Ann Romano sourced the word "Easter" in the Hebrew word for Passover, "pesah" [One Day at a Time, April 4]. WRONG!!!!!!!
The "Christian" holiday is named after the Germanic pagan goddess Oestre, or Eostre, whose fertility rites occurred around the Spring Equinox--thus the bunnies and colored eggs. (The same goddess energies describe your female (o)estrus cycle, Ann.) Tsk! Tsk!
Author of THE GREAT COSMIC MOTHER: Rediscovering the Religion of the Earth
KATIA KNOWS NOTHING, I KNOW EVERYTHING
DEAR EDITOR: Please stop letting Katia Dunn do hiphop reviews! Her article on The Lootpack [Music, April 4] was not only poorly written, but filled with inaccuracies. She wrote that DJ Romes "layed down" the beats. Come on, Katia, everyone knows the producer makes the beats. In this case the producer is Madlib. And his beats are world-famous. Ask anyone! She also claimed the group sounds like "ten people instead of three." That makes no sense! They sound like two MCs rhyming over beats made from sampled loops, with some cuts added in by the DJ. Please, from now on only let her write rock reviews. I don't really care about those.
BOW BEFORE THE LADY SKINNER!
TO WHOM FEEDS THE MOUTH THAT ROCKS THE PAPER: I am so very honored to reach out and grab the free alchemical shrine, the Mercury. I am sure it is on the streets of public domain just so I can read the lovely, classy trash that comes out of The Lady of Skin Miss Marjorie Skinner! She obviously holds a genuine concern that her readers be enlightened with the bitters and truth of events, reasons, and social communing!
To read her work is such bliss for the loyal follower! She is like the Geisha, a woman of comfort to her consorts. I am so very, very overcome that you should delight mine eyes to a few words from The Lady, that I tear up at the thought of missing even an issue. GOD FORBID, an issue without The Lady in print!
I say, "More, more, we adore her every word!" May long live the life of those that pay The Lady Skinner's bills! May we see more from her and less of the minions below her level of literary genius! May you raise her to salary, or at least 10 more cents a word!
The Cirquelium of Elan
THE ANTI-SAKS FASHION POLICE
DEAR ANN ROMANO: I've concluded you have the brain of a hick when it comes to fashion. Regarding your column One Day at a Time, March 28: You stated that, "No more New York City, means NO MORE Saks Fifth Avenue!" inferring that global warming could annihilate the fashion mecca of the world. This lame department store can be found in nearly every state! Every time I pick up a copy of the Mercury, you are embarrassing yourself with your fashion taste. I'm tired of feeling sorry for you!
WE LIKE THE MERCURY AND WE ARE HUNG
TO THE EDITOR: A couple of weeks ago you had a letter that carried the title, "Get More Gay" [March 21]. This guy said that gay men like to talk about their big dicks or not so big. It is true. We gay guys like to talk about our dicks. My friends and myself are hung--maybe not like a horse--but we are hung. We also want to get on the bandwagon and support those who advertise in the Mercury. Recently we have gone to some of the bars that advertise, and I even got a massage from a guy who has been advertising with you. We think the Mercury is hot. Please keep it cumming.
THE TITTIE FAIRY IS COMIN' TO TOWN!
DEAR KATIE SHIMER: You silly, stupid woman. As any self-respecting lesbian or het breeder boy will tell you, the main reason to see Panic Room [Film, March 28] is to watch the amazing swelling and deflating of Jodie Foster's lucious breasts! The film was shot whilst Ms. Foster was El Preggo, so the fun is to see if the viewer can put each scene in the chronological order it was filmed, based on the hormonal levels and visits by the Tittie Fairy.
CONGRATULATIONS to Amanda Smith for winning the Mercury "Letter of the Week!" For her brilliant defense of Jodie Foster's titties, Amanda wins two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater. Got a question, complaint, or comment regarding Jodie Foster's titties? Send it to the address above and you could be our next winner!