TO CHARLES MUDEDE: In Bushi Hiphop, your paean to interracial elitism, you betray your exalted education with an ignorance that runs far deeper than crude idioms [Music, April 18, in which Charles--who had a black upper-class upbringing--criticizes Ludicris for his "crude" rhymes]. By looking down on those not so fortunate as to have been born into privilege, you play right into the hands of the racist white male ruling class, who promote disunity among us so as to maintain their hegemony. (Black) people from all walks of life must unite and realize we all suffer from the same oppression if we are ever to effectively combat the racism that has been bred into society for centuries. Being "proud of (y)our place in the world" doesn't mean condescension towards people who have not had your same opportunities of education and social advancement.
BLACK FOLKS ARE COUNTRY
HEY CHARLES: Let's get this shit right--your pops, with the help of god, pimped poor blacks so you and sis could have a great education, to able you to use BIG words to shit on the very people who helped you get where you are. TIGHT! You are not "uppity," but fucking ignorant and retarded. What you should check, is why record companies think it's "cool" to pimp country ghetto rap to the masses, you know--like your dad did with the churches.
I'm not saying Ludacris is the shit, he's a fool. But so are you, if you believe the hype. Black folks ARE country. It's just so happens that we ALL came from the south. And it's rather odd, with all that education and realization, you just keep stepping your ass back to one of the ghetto-ist arena around: Hiphop/Rap, you fool. Oh, and by the way, I've met Mos Def and Lootpack and them niggas is hella country. Kisses bitch
KATIE, CHECK ME OUT ONLINE!
TO KATIE SHIMER: I just finished reading your article on the personals ["You're You--But Not You," April 18] and must say it was a great read with interesting timing. I recently placed a personal online and it took quite a bit of convincing to finally go through with it. I agree there is this stigma of the personals being a hangout for desperate people, but it is not totally true--although there are some definite freaks.
Anyhew, good luck in finding the right man. If you feel like giving fate a little push, check out my ad online.
DEAR MRS. ROMANO: Regarding your exposé on the Christina Ricci's vomiting faculties ["One Day," April 18], it's safe to say she would actually have an easier time filling a 10-oz. tupperware container than a pop can, since your average can of pop is a full 12 fluid ounces. But no apologies necessary, as I'm sure a busy girl such as yourself has little time to read the fine print on a Coke can.
ANN ROMANO RESPONDS: Actually, I said she "could not produce enough vomit to fill a soda pop CAP"--not "can." No apologies necessary, just stop calling yourself "Professor."
YOU ARE WORTHLESS AND WEAK
DEAR MERCURY: To the touchy-feely douche bag who wrote the "I, Anonymous" entitled, "Was It Your Car I Hit on March 1?": Who the fuck do you think you are? "I, Anonymous" is not for the weak. Portland can do without your namby-pamby whimperings. "I'm sooooo sorry I hit your nice shiny Honda." Shut the fuck up. Don't you know this column is about the future middle class revolting against the current middle class? Hey, fucktard, here's some news: This world is going to tear you apart if you don't sprout some fucking balls and tell that assbag not to park his Honda where you are going to be driving. In the words of the almighty Dee Snyder, "You are worthless and weak."
CONGRATS to Anonymous who sent in the Mercury "Letter of the Week!" Wanna win tix to the Laurelhurst Theater? Send in your rant or rave!
IT'S YOUR LAST CHANCE!
That's right! Tuesday, April 30th is the last day to enter the "Mrs. Portland Mercury" Beauty Pageant! Whether you are man, woman, married, single, chaste, or slut, anyone over the age of 21 can enter this laff-a-minute "beauty" contest. Send your NAME, ADDRESS, and DAYTIME PHONE NUMBER, along with an ACTUAL PHOTO OF YOURSELF, a description of your TALENT, and a 200-word ESSAY on why you want to be "Mrs. Portland Mercury" to the address above. And yes! There will be fabulous prizes! Click here for further details. C'mon Portland! Strut that stuff!