WHO'S THE IMBECILE NOW?

TO THE EDITOR: There is nothing remotely "algebraic" about the question Frank Cassano asked Corinne Greenberg last week ["Imbecile Parade," June 20]. Algebraic problems involve some kind of symbolic variable. I guess Frank was too much of an imbecile to pass his middle school math class.

I've got an idea: Why not rename the Mercury, the "Imbecile Parade"? No one could accuse you of false advertising.

Ben

FRANK IS REAL, ZIGGY SUCKS

TO THE EDITOR: You're all wrong. Frank Cassano is real, and he's smarter than all you bastards ["Letters," June 20, in which the writers accuse Frank of being imaginary]. And while everybody's getting worked up over Frank (By the way, his criticism of M.J. Fox AND Christopher Reeve was dead on. I mean, everybody knows they're faking it, right? The gig's up gentlemen!), who is attending to that tired piece of shit, Troubletown? When was the last time anybody laughed at this waste of space? It, and its retarded child Ziggy With a Hat, should be discontinued immediately. Ann Romano AND Mr. Cassano need the extra space. Or, you could print additional escort ads. But seriously, are these prostitutes or what? Instead of sleeping at fleabag hotels or entering beauty contests, your "investigative reporters" should be out there banging whores and writing about it. That, my friends, is journalism. Better yet, take up a collection to get Frank Cassano laid.

Mike

A SAVAGE DEFENSE

TO THE EDITOR: These people trying to get Michael Savage off the air need to engage their brains and actually listen to Savage [News, "Hating Hate Radio," June 20]. Before dismissing me as some conservative crackpot, let me tell you I'm a liberal feminist who voted Democratic most of my life--and I love Savage. Here's why: Most people in radio are doing a schtick. The rants, the racial remarks, are all part of his act.

He knows we need two or more parties to make this democracy of ours work--one party controlling everything equals totalitarian dictatorship. Besides, all the other spots on the AM dial are reserved for Bush sycophants who do nothing but preach to the choir and make excuses for their guy. Now that's disgusting.

Dawn R. Beck

THE WAR AGAINST US

DEAR EDITOR: I appreciate Ann Romano's humor and flippancy in her One Day at a Time blurb about the creation of the Office of Homeland Security [June 20]. And, who knows, maybe she was just trying to be funny in repeating our unelected administration's description of the Office as "in charge of terrorist information analysis, protecting U.S. borders, and preparing the country for 'a full range of terrorist threats.'"

However, I think it's important to resist adopting the rhetoric about "terrorist threats." The OHS was not created to protect the public from foreign-born terrorists. The OHS was created to protect the elites--the ones getting richer through this phony "war on terror"--from people who oppose their planet-destroying plans.

Michael Moore said it well: "This isn't a war on terror--it's a war on us!" The time to resist these assaults on our civil liberties is now, before the OHS goes into full effect and all of us "domestic terrorists" have been effectively silenced.

Emily Trinkaus

HIT THE BRICKS, STEINBACHER!

TO THE EDITOR: So did you fire Bradley Steinbacher for failing to interview Tom Cruise [Film, "Utmost Famous," June 20]? I couldn't care less what Tom Cruise has to say, but I care even less about Steinbacher's sniveling, banal analysis of America and its Hollywood heroes. The point is Steinbacher failed in his charge. He didn't ask Cruise a single question because he melted at the sight of this overrated braceface. Steinbacher could have at least asked the name of Cruise's orthodontist, so he could get some help with his own severe case of lockjaw.

David "Just Jealous" Schermer

WHAT'S SO SEXY ABOUT HIM?

HEY MERCURY: In Tuesday, June 11th entry for One Day at a Time, Ann Romano called Paul McCartney an "octogenarian." The dictionary defines this as "a person between 80 and 90 years of age." Paul was born in 1942, which makes him only 60 this year. So actually he is a "sexagenarian." Thanks!

Kathryn

A HEARTY CONGRATS TO KATHRYN for winning the Mercury "Letter of the Week!" Lucky Kat will receive a full-series pass for two to the Mercury Summer Movie Megathon playing every Friday at the Guild Theater!