VIA VOICE MAIL TO WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY:
"This is Leilan Walt, and I have a company in Portland on Columbia Blvd. called the Steel Yard. We're in the business of distributing steel.
I saw the movie, Reign of Fire, and I read your editorial [Film review, July 11]. I disagree with you. I usually can find something redeeming in almost all movies. And in this particular movie, Reign of Fire, I found several good things. Why? It was a good adventure movie--good escape stuff. I think you're getting too sophisticated, too jaundiced in your viewpoint. You're looking for something that it wasn't meant to be.
The second thing is, I'd be interested in seeing how they created the dragons. I know they're doing that with computers, and I think it's goddamn good technology. Cause those dragons look real as hell and they did a great job, you got the close-ups of the dragons. So from a technical point of view, I think it was very good. It's an adventure, it's just a good story, just kick back and enjoy it. Much more so than Men In Black II, which was just farcical and silly beyond belief. As opposed to Men In Black I, which was you know pretty good because it was so novel. But anyway, I disagree vehemently with you on your editorial. Okay. Bye."
THE COMMITTEE TO GET RID OF "INEZ"
DEAR PORTLAND MERCURY: Generally, I enjoy reading the Mercury, however, there is one thing I simply can no longer tolerate namely, Inez. I think everyone knows who I'm talking about here the La Cruda girl, "Inez" [La Cruda ad, page 26]. Each week, I forget that somewhere buried in the Mercury is the glowering little saucer-faced "Inez." Each week I sit down, relax, turn the page, and then ahhhhh!!! It's Inez staring up at me, telling me that La Cruda "got good food"!!! I don't care if they "got good food," I don't think I can ever eat there again for fear of seeing Inez grinning over a plate of fish tacos.
The Mercury should ask La Cruda to please change the ad. I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels this way. Generally, I can't stand "cutesy" ads, but this one is not just cutesy, it is disturbing.
Inez must go. Please please, La Cruda or Captain Advertising over at the Mercury, TAKE OUT THE "INEZ" AD!!! It's the right thing to do.
YOUR WRITING MAKES ME VOMIT
DEAR EDITOR: A journalist from Willamette Week has infiltrated your camp under the name "Justin Sanders" ["Say Something Funny," Justin Sanders, July 11]. I've had my suspicions for some time now, and they have been confirmed by a passage in a recent Mercury feature:
"Out in the main area of Dante's, the cowboys swig beers and shout at each other, but in the quiet little room in back there is nothing but dignity and grace; a keen sharpening of skill and a subtle system of networking. Most of all, there is love. The love of a craft, and the love of a fellow craftsman. Bottles clink at the bar and exotic dancers wait patiently for their turn to perform. A zippo flashes, a cigarette burns. A peal of laughter escapes Ron Osborne, filling the air. For struggling comedians, this place is home."
I am so outraged and disgusted right now I could just vomit all over the place. This interloper MUST be exposed and SEVERELY punished in a CRUEL and PUBLIC manner. The good name of the Mercury is at stake and must be defended at ALL COSTS.
CONGRATS TO PAMMY PENROD for winning the Mercury "Letter of the Week!" For her bilious laceration of Justin, Pammy will receive a full series pass to the Summer Movie Megathon--campy films every Friday night at the Guild (see page 34 for details). Does anyone on our staff make you want to vomit? Send in your letter and you could be our next winner!
TWO VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS!
ANNOUNCEMENT #1: Do you like "fun"? Well, if you like "fun," you will love the "Mrs. Portland Mercury Beauty Pageant" coming this Friday, July 19 at Berbati's! And while most beauty pageants can be painful, misogynistic affairs, the "Mrs. Portland Mercury Beauty Pageant" is chock full of laffs, entertainment, extremely weird talents, and hot bods in swimsuits (presented in an un-misogynistic manner, of course). Plus it's only $4, and that includes a night of dancing with DJ Wicked! The fun starts at 9 pm sharp, so don't miss it!
ANNOUNCEMENT #2: Do you like "a job"? Well, if you like "a job" you will love working in the art department at the Portland Mercury. We're looking for a good production assistant, so see page 40 for details!