THE ASSASSINATION PROCLAMATION

TO THE EDITOR: How I love the sound of liberal whining in the fall. "Peace Through Assassination" [News, Wm. Steven Humphrey, Oct 3] is proof of your ignorance. While I find your disagreement with military action in Iraq curious, the claim that Bush is seeking "revenge" and trying to fix the "inability to get the job done right the first time" is just plain stupid.

History Lesson: The 1991 Gulf War ended because the United Nations did not mandate going after Saddam Hussein, only liberating Kuwait from Iraqi invasion. That's right folks, the almighty U.N. started and then stopped the Gulf War. Amazing to think about, considering that liberals conveniently use the U.N. as reasons for almost everything they support, including cloth diapers; except when it comes to military action.

To summarize: Bush is evil, money and wealth are evil, Iraq is as clean as the driven snow, and Iraqi citizens suffer at the hands of capitalist America and it's greedy sanctions, not at the hands of their infinitely wealthy homicidal leader who sells oil for food and then starves his people. Give me a bullet, I'll pull the trigger.

Jason J. Herring

HOT HOT WHODUNIT?

TO JULIANNE SHEPHERD: [Re: Jeff Kleinsmith interview, Oct 3] Please give credit where credit is due. The latest Hot Hot Heat record was done by the other part of the Art Department at Sub Pop: Jesse LeDoux.

Frances

Julianne Shepherd responds: Oops! I forgot they were coming out with a new album. Jeff K. designed the EP. The new Hot Hot Heat record, Make Up the Breakdown, was designed by JESSE LE DOUX; for a review, see pg 19.

THE SICKEST OF THE SICK

TO THE EDITOR: Who wrote the Izzy's Pizza review ["Pizza Party," Last Supper, Lori McNair]? This is the sickest of the sick, and sicker if it's real. It kind of made me mad/confused. If it is a parody, it is one of the most frightening, disturbing things I have ever read. It would be like putting one of Tom and Gloria's beds in the visual arts listings. Please tell me this is supposed to be funny. I want closure.

Adam Clark

CLEAN UP YOUR OWN PUKE, HONKY

TO THE EDITOR: I'm trying to decide how I feel about this puking on the Mercury thing I read about in the Willy Week [In which a former beauty pageant contestant puked in the Mercury office to protest the content of the paper]. My first impression was, what an asshole thing to do, but wait--I like some asshole things, and am I just being blind because I like my Mercury? No, what a fucking honky, wimp-ass thing to do. No one has to read the Mercury, but someone has to clean up your puke. You must have been a stupid honky, no one else could be that stupid. No one should have to clean up another person's puke. And only an idiot would make themselves puke, an idiot honky. Once, a drunk puked on my dirty dishes and that's the only time I kicked someone's ass. And his puking was sort of an accident. Now, if you puked on the Willy Week--that would be funny.

Mr. Mazoo

A CALL TO ARMS

TO THE MERCURY: I can't believe some woman vomited in your kitchenette, and Willamette Week wrote a whimsical blurb about it. I am curious for more details. Like, did she at least clean up her own mess when confronted with the responsibility? Was the sign she left "you make me sick" (which technically is not true--Ipecac made her sick, your content disgusts) placed in or around the puke?

I'd like to hope this is the first shot of war, no holds barred. Gangs are being formed and egos will be crushed. They started it, I'm assuming we can end it. Forever and honorably yours

Iskowitz Belle

THE MARRYING KIND

DEAR PORTLAND MERCURY: I am in love with your nitty gritty gooey parts. Why, just the other day, as I was standing in line at my favorite coffee shop, some crazy lady busted in front of me in line shaking you at the cashier, declaring: "This should be boycotted! It closes down businesses and picks on innocent people! It's a disgrace! There was some beauty pageant or something, and they were mean to this girl! I vote to boycott it!"

Just the sound of her lunatic rantings made me salivate with pleasure. You are such a stud. Say you'll marry me. Please.

Freida

THOUGH THE MERCURY is already engaged to marry the New York Post, we hope Freida will be satisfied with winning the "Letter of the Week" and two free passes to the Laurelhurst Theater.