DEAR SIR: We are inquiring about the possibility of buying seamless underwear. I kindly ask you to send us the price list of a seamless underwear. Thank you in advance.
Veneta Pavlova, Bulgaria
The Mercury Responds: As it turns out, the Mercury doesn't sell seamless underwear. However, we've heard you can buy a very nice women's seamless fishnet panty for around $19 at
http://shop.store.yahoo.com/lingeriesite/seamless.html. Good luck!
CAN THE COOLER-THAN-THOU ATTITUDE
HEY GUYS: I saw the Mercury's review after I went to the Clay Carnival opening [Visual Arts Listings, Oct 10], and could hardly believe it was meant to apply to the show I saw, one of the best and most imaginative art events I've seen in Portland in the five years I've been here:
"Speculating about the clay art these 13 artist [sic] present conjures bad feelings of those pottery stores where they teach your great-aunt how to throw a serving dish in five minutes or less. Regardless, there will be a party with cotton candy on each opening, so if the art is scary (the odds are 2:1 that it won't be), at least you can get high on sugar."
I'd like to respectfully suggest that if a reviewer doesn't know anything about the medium being shown, perhaps he or she could limit the snarky, insulting negativity and focus on actual fact. Why slam a show you haven't seen, and probably won't? Though the reviewer obviously doesn't think much of clay except when it serves as the butt of a joke, it's a legitimate and respected art form, and doesn't deserve that dismissive cooler-than-thou attitude.
COMMIE U.N. PINKOS
TO JASON HERRING: Well, jeez. You sure is smart. ["Letters," Oct 10, in which Mr. Herring asserts that "the U.N. started and stopped the Gulf War."] I wuz readin' your letter about them libruls gittin on our presidents case about wantin' to take out that evildoer Sodom Hussein. You had some good points, especially the one about the U.N. startin' and stoppin' the Gulf War.
Them Commie U.N. pinkos were really stoopid when they went in there and attacked Iraq. I 'member seein' all those U.N. troops invading Iraq and bombing the shit outta them towelheads. They was doin' a good job until they stopped themselves. And of course it was all cuz Sodom is evil and didn't have nuthin' to do with oil. But then the U.N. decided to embargo and sanction Iraq or sumphin' and that was a good idea cuz of course Sodom was the one who wuz starvin' to death, not his people.
Ya know, Jason, me and you is very similar in our perspectives. Why, just the other day I wuz listenin' to Rush Limbaugh and got a hard-on, just like when I read your letter today.
A Fellow Redneck
GAY LIBERALS WHO WANT TO BOMB IRAQ!
TO THE EDITOR: Thanks for the awesome article from my hero Dan Savage's new book ["Skipping Towards Gomorrah," Oct. 10]. We need more gay liberals like him who support bombing Iraq. He's been right on since his original "let's light their Arab asses on fire and throw them off a high building" response to this tragedy. Keep featuring his good work.
EVEN IN SLEEP, YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THE MERCURY
DEAR WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY: For some reason you were in my dream last night, and you were tiny, about three-and-a-half feet high, with a perfectly spherical head. We were arguing like an old married couple, and whenever you said something especially caustic I would pick you up and rock you in my arms like a baby. You kept telling me to "eat shit." Isn't that weird?
IT'S OKAY TO VOMIT BY SOMEONE'S DESK IF YOU'RE FOXY
TO THE MERCURY: While I've shared the pleasure of Miss Bethany Miller's company only a precious few times, she is without a doubt one of the most intelligent, hilarious, and genuine people I've encountered ["Letters," Oct 10, in which readers commented on Bethany vomiting in the Mercury office]. She's also a stone cold fox. It doesn't surprise me that the only letters published in the wake of this situation are both idiotic and mean-spirited, just what she was protesting in the first place. The Mercury staff should be ashamed. As far as I'm concerned, every ounce of bile was well-deserved. I, too, will boycott the Mercury, and encourage everyone else to do the same.
CONGRATULATIONS TO MATT D., the winner of the Mercury "Letter of the Week!" and two free passes to the Laurelhurst Theater. Boycotting the Mercury? Send in your letter and you could be our next winner!