TO THE EDITOR: I just wanted to thank you for the great laugh I experienced after reading "A Note from the Editor" [June 5]. I've recently moved and had to change bus routes. Now my commute pretty much sucks. I'm trying to adjust and ignore the teen mothers with their dirty children destined to repeat the cycle, and the fat smelly man whose stench you cannot escape, and the conversations in front of said, dirty children about alcohol-induced fights laden with more vulgar language than the Osbourne household.
Now this may be a little hypocritical to praise you on a note that so liberally used the "F" word, but you did it with such clever wit, it made me laugh out loud. And besides it's one thing to read it, and another to toss it in a sentence and subject not only your unplanned love-child, but the average bus rider who doesn't want to hear about your pathetic "F"-ing lives.
I smiled most of the unfortunate route home mostly thanks to you and you hilarious note. Thanks and happy anniversary!
NOT A BAD IDEA, BUT A BIT WORDY
TO THE MERCURY: Based upon the choices you've made in publishing these rants, I think that instead of calling this column "I, Anonymous," you ought to call it, "I, angry, sociopathic, super-hip, self-righteous, better than everyone, but too stupid to do anything, but work at Starbucks and wear a knit cap and rant about people who I can only hope are as addicted to misery as I am."
THAT'S ONE WAY OF PUTTING IT
TO THE EDITOR: Here's my wordless review of the mean gay essay ["Portland's Meanest Gay," June 12]: *fart sound*
BAD GAYS GONE GOOD
DEAR MERCURY: I found your section on "Good Gays Gone Bad" highly amusing. I'm curious who you think would make good role models to the younger generation of queer folks. Considering the Portland Mercury is a publication that caters to the most brain-dead, trendy, and post-modern segments of the Portland population, I assume you'd applaud those gays who choose to live cushy, apathetic lifestyles not dissimilar to your own.
The article on Bo Brown ["Rita Bo Brown, Gentleman Bank Robber," June 12] was particularly amusing. I'm sure there's multiple inaccuracies in the article, but one thing I noticed the author didn't mention is that after the George Jackson Brigade bombing of a Safeway store, the GJB issued a communiqué apologizing to those who were injured, and took measures to prevent similar accidents from happening again. The GJB is the only North American guerilla group I'm aware of that ever apologized for it's mistakes.
Two members of the GJB, Bo Brown and Ed Mead, will be speaking at a conference on prisoner support and movement building, to be held on the weekend of August 8-10 at the University of Oregon in Eugene. I would encourage people to come. For more info visit
YOU CAN'T UNHURT A FEELING
DEAR MERCURY: Though both the WW and the Mercury are sometimes accurately described as useless fluff surrounding the Movie Listings, both also occasionally have their interesting features. My "Night Cabbie" column was one of those. Columns that are very specific have a limited lifespan by nature, and I never expected "Night Cabbie" to be a permanent feature. So don't call it a "failed column," dammit ["The Imbecile Parade," June 5]!
I had my successes and got a lot of fan mail and some hate mail. Best success? I got hate mail from Caryn Brooks, the snobby 'Arts and Culture' editor who writes that Miss Dish garbage (I think of Miss Dish as the WW's contribution to my cat's litterbox). And though I don't take myself very seriously, it's still a little irritating to be called a "failed column." Anyway, just thought I'd clear the air. I enjoyed your parodies of my column ["Knight Cabbie by Michael Knight" "Phil Knight Cabbie by Phil Knight" "Night Moves Cabbie by Bob Seger"], and also the cabbie portion of your "Worker's Tribute" last month ["Salute to the American Worker," May 1]. It reminded me of my own enthusiasm when I had only been driving a few months.
Willie Milkis (ex-Night Cabbie)
RIGHT YOU ARE, WILLIE! There are no "failed columns," only "failed newspapers" and we failed when we said you failed. Fact is, we think you're great, and that's why you get the Mercury "Letter of the Week"! Expect two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater in your mailbox, my friend.