TO THE EDITOR: [Re: "Outbreak and Outrage," July 24]. I'm as reluctant about a bioterrorism lab in Hillsboro as you are, but you need to GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT! Ebola is a very scary virus and has no cure or treatment. But last I heard it spreads through the contact or ingestion of bodily fluids, including saliva, and has never (yet) appeared in an airborne strain. I suggest you brush up by reading The Hot Zone, and do a little more research than simply asking the first activist you meet.
On the other hand, the Mercury kicks ass as the most entertaining rag in P-town, so I forgive your journalistic shortcomings in the interest of (generally) degenerate entertainment.
Phil Busse responds: Though you're correct that Ebola is almost exclusively transmitted through bodily fluids, the research is still frighteningly inconclusive. According to the CDC, a strain of Ebola did appear in a Virginia primate research facility, where it may have been transmitted from monkey to monkey through the air.
CHAS BOWIE, YOU'VE BEEN PU-PU'D!
HEY CHAS BOWIE: Look! We can write an art review just like you, using these two simple rules ["Hello Summer" review, July 24]:
1) Cartoon-ish, "lowbrow" art = Pretty to look at, but ultimately barren, empty, void of soul.
2) Pretentious, elitist, and overpriced art that the majority of admirers and patrons only pretend to understand because it makes them feel "cultured"= Ahh, sublime.
How was that? Does it meet the highly intellectual and condescending criterion of the great Chas Bowie? Here's some advice: If it looks even remotely comic book-like or has the appearance of something out of Cartoon Network (a reference you seem to rely on heavily), do us all a favor--either look deeper, or look away.
It's plainly obvious, Chas Bowie, that your journalistic talents do not include asking these artists, who you so casually marginalize and toss aside, what their work is about. I guess an artist's opinion means nothing if you don't "get it."
In conclusion, Chas Bowie, we don't need your kind of press. Take the Pearl District, all of it's bland and joyless art, fashion it into a sculpture of your liking, and stick it up your butt but be sure to pull your head out first. Pu-Pu on you-you, Chas Bowie.
Chico Gavacho, Hot Yoga, and Fancypants Johnson: the Pu-Pu Brothers.
THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE
YO, YO: I opened up the Mercury today and GOOD GOD! Lo and behold I saw that on August 22 the Mercury Summer Movie Megathon [see page 35] is showing the greatest film ever made, Tron. The Merc has now secured its position of all-time media dominance. I'll be drunk as fuck reciting along to all the dialogue and possibly throwing in sound effects (nothing beats the adrenaline-pumping scene where Flynn, Ram, and Tron evade a flotilla of Game Tanks after leaving the drinky-cave). I'll kill a man twice before he hits the ground if you'll screen it again.
THE SLIPPERY BANANA IN MY CAN
TO THE MERCURY: [RE: "Best of North Lombard Issue," in particular the "Best Named Canned Fruit Product," July 24] "Cock on the Mountain Top" is indeed the best brand if you want giggle-inducing canned Asian fruit, but don't get the canned peaches--go for the "bananas in syrup." Hold the can firmly in your hand and shake--gently. The little bananas sliding back and forth in the can are sensuous and erotic, especially when looking at the peeled bananas standing proudly on the label.
THE HIPSTER PLAGUE
TO THE MERCURY: I moved to St. Johns two weeks ago, excited and happy to be out of the over-hyped and fantastically LAME Irvington/ Alberta Arts District. I was finally FREE of all the idiot hipster crapburgers. Now you stupidheads have given your seal of approval to Lombard ["Best of North Lombard," July 24].
Thanks a fucking LOAD.
Now that the Mercury has talked about how cool Lombard is--and told the hipsters which stores to visit and even HOW TO GET HERE--my new neighborhood will be overrun with them. Why don't you tell the hipsters how cool West Linn is? How about SHERWOOD?
Damn you, Portland Mercury. DAMN YOU TO HELL!
CONGRATS TO TENA for winning the Mercury "Letter of the Week!" And in case any hipsters want to know what Tena is up to this week, she'll be using her two free passes to the Laurelhurst Theater, and whooping it up with a month-long pass to the Portland Pool Party (featuring bands and fun every Sunday at the Montavilla Pool. See page 13 for details!).