TO THE MERCURY: You SUPER Left Liberals are so into your Fascist and Socialist views it's sickening. You're enemies of your own Country. You sit in your ivory towers and hide behind the flag that was handed down to you by people paying in sweat, blood, and tears. It is apparent that you don't balance your views on any level. Your constant bashing of the Administration shows Sept. 11 would happen over and over again if pussies like you were in charge of the security of the U.S.
Finally, we got rid of your favorite pimp Bill Clinton and got someone who has a spine and balls to stick it to terrorists (yes, including Iraq) and destroy their network which has maimed and killed for the last two decades or more. And of course, you pricks think Fox News is far right. It just shows how far Left you really are. Wake up!! Let's see if you have the balls to print this!
Wm. Steven Humphrey responds: Here's your letter. And while we're on the subject don't ask us if we have enough balls to print a letter unless you have enough balls to sign it--you ridiculous piece of right-wing chickenshit.
BEST PLACE TO LOOK FOR MOM AND DAD
DEAR MERCURY: Doesn't Tena, who won the letter of the week [Letters, July 31] realize that "The Best of North Lombard" was a spoof? Hipsters aren't going to move to St. Johns because of that article, and that's because no one moves to St. Johns to eat at Dad's or shop at Jower's or pee on trees by the US Bank (wellmaybe that one). People live here because all the taverns are on one street, and you know where to look for mom and dad when they don't come home for a couple days. People live here because they are po'asses who dropped out of Roosevelt. That's why the article is so funny!!
BETTER "PIMPLY" THAN AN INDIEROCK BITCH
DEAR FUCKHEAD: Us "pimply teenagers" who apparently "never get laid" really appreciate your recent failed attempt at humor by taking cheap shots at us DDR players ["The Puck Stops Here," July 31, in which author J.B. Rabin describes an arcade game called "Dance Dance Revolution Extreme"]. I'm sure we'll get countless hours of entertainment making fun out of all the PBR-guzzling, taped-glasses wearing, 20-something indierocker bitches coming in to stare at us.
If you think it's so entertaining, maybe you should step up and try it. Nothing is more satisfying than watching an uncoordinated newbie fall down. I'll take pride in knowing I won't get winded walking up a flight of stairs while you sit playing "journalist" in your $800 Herman Miller desk chair.
I PLAY DDR, I'M MARRIED, I GET LAID
TO THE MERCURY: I came upon your article about arcades. First off--go fuck yourselves. Second of all, get your facts straight. For someone like me who is married and plays Dance Dance Revolution with his wife, I feel insulted that you claim only 14-year-olds who will never "get laid" play the game. Wow, what kind of idiot writes these articles? They need a slap in the face.
IT'S A DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION REVOLUTION!
TO J.B. RABIN: I would like to begin by saying that you are a worthlessidiotic biased no balls arrogant waste of air bastard. It has recently come to my attention that you are not very fond of DDR players. You refer to us as "pimply teenagers who will never get laid" [This isn't exactly what the author said but it's close enough. --ed]. This is most times very not true. Yes indeed there are some nerdy people that play, but not all. The majority of them are NOT.
I do not see why u think it is so important that u must make fun of us like that. I kinda understand why u would have this opinion tho. Apparently u talked to a little red head kid named Oliver [not his real name]. Yes Oliver is an ugly nerdy kid who makes us all look bad. That's what he's known as to us. But o well, we accept him and we're NOT ASSHOLES, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE. For u to make such judgements about such an enormous community based on one little person is a very stupid thing to do. I believe that what you said in your article was very wrong, and that u owe us an apology. You suck.
CONGRATS TO STEFAN for winning the Mercury "Letter of the Week." For his valiant defense of DDR players (with the exception of Oliver), Stefan will be awarded tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, and a month-long pass to the Portland Pool Party held every Sunday at the Montavilla Community Pool (where all the really cute chicks are)!