TO THE EDITOR: Arnold Schwarzenegger is about the most inclusive, progressive-minded politician around and how obvious could it have been that Ann Romano was going to use her dumb little daddy's girl, J.LO-crooning mouthy to go after him like Linda Tripp on a ham-hock ["One Day at a Time," Oct 16].
So he's from Europe and got too tacky with some chaste, aspiring Hollywood starlets. Did he stalk anyone? No. A few of them grew up to be frigid housewives like Ann Romano, became all frustrated over the one-time, two-finger jobs they got from their sorority sisters at Brown University, and decided to cry to their "hubbies."
Schwarzenegger wants to free his state from debt. He's libertarian-minded, pro-choice, environmentally conscious, and gay-friendly. When Ann jokes that gay voters would want his tongue up their asses, she's just gay-baiting to show her insecurity over someone who acts like a free person. She's thinking, "Boohoo, a Republican who's not a boring prude like me!" Too bad--nobody holds a monopoly on freedom.
FUCKIN' ANTI-CALIFORNIA FUCK-FUCKS
TO THE EDITOR, VIA VOICEMAIL: "Hi, I was reading the Ann Romano column about how 'We hate Californians, and they deserve everything they fucking get' ["One Day," Oct 16]. I think she should shut the fuck up and stop being so narrow minded. I think that's fuckin', that's complete bullshit to fuckin' judge people you don't even fuckin' know. I mean, what's with all the animosity against fucking Californians? I'm from California, I was born and raised there my whole fuckin' life. When I moved to Portland, I couldn't believe the rampant racism and the fuckin' segregation and fuckin' how narrow some people were. But I gave it a chance; I love Oregon, I love Portland.
"I don't think you guys should print all that bullshit like 'We hate Californians and shit. You sure took the money for the fuckin' Red Hot Chili Peppers fuckin' concert. I mean, they're from L.A., right? I mean, what the fuck, man? Is that just a joke or is that supposed to be funny? Because it isn't! I think that bitch should stick to writing articles about J.LO and Ben Affleck and all the other gay bullshit she prints up every week. Thank you!"
PROSECUTION IS LESS LONELY NOW
HEY MARJORIE SKINNER: My day in court is this afternoon. I'd skimmed your DUII story a while back ["My First DUI," July 17], but friends recommended I dig it up again for moral support.
I wanted to personally thank you for sharing your experience. I'm certainly less frightened about going to court, and it's nice to recognize that someone else had thoughts similar to my own, specifically regarding the lack of desire to drive. Anyway, thanks. I appreciate your candor.
IS "SALLY" A PSEUDONYM FOR MICHAEL POWELL?
DEAR PORTLAND MERCURY: Guess what? Powell's union members suck big monkey turds ["Less Money for More Work," Oct 16]! They try to make you lie about stuff, use your cold hard cash for their Pabst, and they're all a bunch of honky crackers who wish they were hip. Most of the guys are skinny pseudo intellectuals who compensate for their lack of masculinity by trying to pretend they're rockers in cool bands. The womenÉ well most of the women are hot--so never mind. Anyway all I can say is that many of the union members are sheep; too bored to care about anyone but themselves, grazing on the pasture of imagined liberalism.
Sweet "Pimp" Sally
LUCKY BIGFOOT WINS KILL BILL SHOES!
TO WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY: I saw your request for wearers of the lucky size 13--size 47 1/2 if I were a smelly, hairy European ["Letters," Oct 16]. I'm not sure why you need this info (if it turns out to be for some sort of sexual perversion thing, I will make you my own personal Wack-a-mole game, you sicko), but I do wear this size and hope this helps out.
CONGRATS TO SYD GOLDTOOTH for winning our super-secret Mercury "Letter of the Week" and a very special prize-- a pair of size 13 limited edition Kill Bill sneakers, lovingly donated by the fine folks at Harputs (139 NW 2nd Ave--visit 'em today and check out their selection of groovy shoes!). Here at the Mercury, we believe bigfeet people deserve bangin' sneaks, too!
DEPT. OF CORRECTIONS
In last week's article "Clinton Street Theater Changes Hands," we wrote that new owners Seth Sonstein and Nicola Spechko were involved with the Sick Puppy Fest--THAT AIN'T RIGHT. While Sonstein is the festival's director, Spechko has no involvement with Sick Puppy, nor, as the article mistakenly implied, Rubber Gash Productions. She is also not, as the story stated, "raunch obsessed."