TO THE EDITOR: In reference to Kathleen Wilson's article on Elliott Smith ["Not Fucked--Not Quite," Oct 30], I just wanted to thank you for reminding me your paper is nothing more than a shallower version of your forgettable counterpart, The Rocket.
Her article generally read like a Britney website, writing about the trials and tribulations of Christina, but ending with a portion I can only refer to as a greater CAUSE of Elliott's death than any sort of help or hindrance.
Frankly, considering this evidence of the homunculus, mongoloid, scenester losers who find ink to print their redundant drivel on his audial expressions of pain and personal anguish, I can't say I blame him one bit. Thank you for remaining transparent.
Jasin Angel Fell
DRUGGIES AND LOSERS ON THE LINE
DEAR MERCURY: I read your article ["Big Chief S.O.B.," Nov 6], and was shocked by this "Big Chief." I've been a U.S. Forest Service Firefighter for seven seasons and would like to clear things up. In the firefighting world, contract crews are generally regarded as fuck-ups. They're basically scabs taking jobs away from serious firefighters, and are usually given jobs that are easy and low risk, leaving the real firefighting to serious people.
Drugs and alcohol have no place out there. Anything that can impair your judgment is a serious danger. People need to know that contract crews do not represent the average firefighter. They don't take their job seriously and should get the fuck off the fireline. Big Chief is lucky he hasn't killed anyone and should be demoted/fired due to his lack of leadership skills. Thanks Big Chief, for making us look like druggies and losers.
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
DEAR MERCURY: This letter is in response to "Two Wheeled Tragedy" [News, Oct 30]. First off I'd like to say "Fuck Dawn Lewis" and her comments about wishing she could see a cyclist "get hit by a bus." In my opinion, people like Dawn are crazy; driving their cars in the bike lane and cutting cyclists (like myself) off at every intersection--then proceeding to honk as though it's my fault.
You're the crazy bitch, Ms. Lewis. If I run into you on the streets, I promise to drag your ass out of your car and throw you in front of a bus! Just to "shake you up a bit," you stupid bitch!
MEN ARE FROM XY, WOMEN ARE FROM XX
TO JULIANNE: I'm a big fan of your work, especially your deep, wide music knowledge. But honey, you fucked up with the chromosome reference in the Holocene "Tart: All-Girl Dance Party" write-up ["Destination Fun," Nov 6]. Girls have XX chromosomes, boys have XY. It's easy to remember, really; just think of how often you've seen a man do something dumb and asked yourself, "WhyÉÉÉ???!?!"
TO THE MERCURY: Is Julianne Shepherd an idiot? In "Tart: All-Girl Dance Party," Shepherd writes, "They have created an oasis of Hot XY Chromosome Action, wherein las chicas may dine, drinkÉ" Did everyone there fail High School Biology? Since when are "las chicas" denoted by the sex chromosomes XY?
Maybe the X and Y are just reeeeeally close together on the keyboard Julianne uses to type her little gems. Perhaps I'm asking too much from a tab-size newspaper that most people scan for club listings, "Savage Love," then throw down to line Tabby's litter box.
PAUL'S PENIS LOOKS LIKE A "T"
TO THE EDITOR: Surely I'm the 100th person to write in about this, but anywayÉ XY chromosomes still tend to make males and XX still tend to make females. I finally learned to remember which was which when I realized the "Y" looks like a little dick hanging down; not my dick, but a dick. Mine looks more like a capital "T."
WE'RE SURE IT DOES, PAUL! And for possessing such stiff chromosomes, we're awarding you the Mercury "Letter of the Week," which includes two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, and two free passes to see Arab Strap at Dante's on the 21st. You can stick your "Y" in our "X" anytime!
DEPT. OF CORRECTIONS
In the October 30 column "I Painted My Cat's Ass to Look Like a Clown," we neglected to give due credit to this hee-larious picture. It was reprinted with permission from Why Paint Cats: The Ethics of Feline Aesthetics (Copyright © 2002 by Burton Silver and Heather Busch, Ten Speed Press, Berkeley, CA. Photo credit: Heather Busch). Interested in painting your cat? Pick up a copy today!