TED PAPAS: WHOOPTY-FOKKEN-DING!

TO THE MERCURY: This letter is for Ted Papas ["Letters," Nov 6, in which the owner of the Greek Cusina denies he mistreats the homeless]. Since moving to PDX a few years ago, I have noticed your hijinx. Last summer, you wanted the city to shut down all food carts, because they "hurt" your business--chances are you recoup those losses at night when the poseur hipsters from the 'burbs flock to your establishment.

Occasionally, I've been harassed by your goon squad. My only offense is stopping two seconds to light a cigarette. And what of the sit/lie ordinance you were so in favor of? According to that law, nothing should impede pedestrian traffic. Have you tried walking past your restaurant on a Friday eveningÉ say around 9 pm? At worst, you force everyone to play in traffic. What have you done for the homeless? Well, I see by your letter you did your good deed back in 1995. Whoopty-Fokken-ding! Either its time for another OR you really don't give a rat's ass.

So, let's recap. You waste the city council's time, you don't observe the laws that you pushed for, and your social conscience is about as real as wax fruit. And what have the homeless done for themselves? They have better manners, for a start. Not to mention that a great many of them are dealing with a bad, and sometimes desperate situation. Your letter shows that you are not only indifferent, but also uninformed, and insensitive.

The Dewisant

LEONARD'S NO HERO!

TO THE MERCURY: So you guys have a mad crush on Randy "Gresham sure is a nice place" Leonard now that he's sticking it to tow truck operators ["Council Member Leonard: Our Hero," Nov 13]? Apparently you forgot his vote against the anti-war resolution, or his attempts to toughen drinking laws. How about his fight to keep streets auto-friendly at the expense of pedestrian- and transit-oriented development? Randy Leonard might as well be on the payroll of the Portland Business Alliance. Let the tow trucks charge what they will. If you get towed, maybe next time you'll take the bus.

Aaron Highfill

A KILT IS STILL A SKIRT

TO THE MERCURY: Normally, I would defend anybody's right to wear anything you want. But the idiot in a kilt made even me laugh ["I, Anonymous," Nov 13, in which a kilt wearer got mad when people threw rocks at him].

As for the pride of your heritage, whose ancestors didn't wander around eating raw meat with their bare hands? The troglodytes who picked on you probably still do.

Ditto to your chest-pounding claim of "I'm in a band." Who the fuck isn't? You probably do Nine Inch Nails and Ministry covers anyway. Just because you slather your wounds in skank afterwards doesn't make you a man or a rock star.

Face it loser, you gotta be tough to wear a skirt. Just ask the next chick you try to use your "I'm a sensitive musician" speech on. Besides "Braveheart," your ancestors kiss the royal family's collective ass now, and you should be over such a petty incident.

Anonymous

EAT ASS, DICKLOP

TO THE EDITOR: This is for that Forest Service bitch Mike ["Letters," Nov 13, in which Mike "clears up" falsehoods from the "Big Chief S.O.B." feature, Nov 6]. You call that clearing things up? Allow ME. I've been working contract fires for eight years, for a company with a perfect safety record. No one has ever deployed working for us, which is more than I can say for your organization. Speaking of Forest Service negligence, you guys wouldn't NEED us if you hadn't spent the last century making such a mess of the woods.

And we really love our jobs to keep them this long--but you pampered Feddies wouldn't know about that. I've lit burns that make their own wind for $7/hr., and my crew still works hotshots off the hill. I've been chased downhill by fire in one of the only recorded instances of such behavior since '53 (the Rattlesnake Fire--heard of it? Then read up, asshole!) AND I'm a woman, which means I've fought more shit just daring to excel in a "man's" profession that you ever will in your pathetic life!

I agree that Big Chief is the kind of guy who gets folks killed. Also the kind of guy that gives elitist bastards like you the nerve to call someone like me a fuck-up. Eat my ass, dicklop, and you'd better hope you never have me for a strike team leader; I'm trained for it.

Serious Firefighter

CONGRATS TO SERIOUS FIREFIGHTER for winning the Mercury "Letter of the Week!" She takes home two passes to the Laurelhurst Theater, and a pair of tix to see the Hanson Brothers at Berbati's on Nov 27! Burn, baby, burn!