BYE-BYE TUMOR, HELLO MEDICAL BILLS
DEAR MERCURY: Thanks for the inspirational story about Will G. and the diabolical Simone ["My Tumor and Me," May 13]. While comprehensive in scope, Will neglected to mention one crucial aspect of his plight. Like millions of Americans, he has no health insurance and is now saddled with considerable debt. As a former employer and close friend I've taken the liberty of opening an account in Will's name. Now is the perfect opportunity for Mercury readers to show we're not all cynical, selfish fuckheads by helping out a total sweetheart who really needs to feel the love. Donations can be made at any Washington Mutual (Ask for the Will Gardner account) or see me at the No Fish! Go Fish! cart at 5th & Yamhill, M-F 11:30-2:30.
John Doyle, No Fish! Go Fish!
STILL NOT FUNNY!
TO WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY: While you may feel your joke was hilarious, let me assure you, it was not ["Letters," May 13]. It was nothing more than an ugly shot at a group of children with disabilities. Whether you were thinking of my daughter or not, your review affects her because it perpetuates a harmful stereotype of individuals with Down Syndrome. As the editor of a publication, you have the unique position of positively affecting social change. However, it's very clear you are more interested in defensive name-calling and very bad jokes.
IS SO TOO FUNNY!
DEAR EDITOR: I just have to say I'm shocked by all of the letters you receive accusing you of political incorrectness. What kind of experience are people looking for when they choose to pick up your newspaper? I want you to make me laugh, and you succeed in doing so every week (especially Ann Romano). In fact, the PC air is so thick in Portland, that I read your newspaper for a little respite from it all. I wish PC-ness and humor did not have to be mutually exclusive. One of my favorite jokes is...
Q: How many radical lesbian feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
I think it's hilarious, AND I'm a lesbian. Maybe I'm defective, but I love your newspaper. Keep up the good work, and thanks for not backing down to those humorless A-holes.
YES VIRGINIA, THERE IS A POPEWYRM
TO THE MERCURY: Holy shit, we exist! Sure it took countless shows over the course of four years, but the Portland Mercury finally wrote about the very existence of our band, Popewyrm! Congratulations! Now I'm not one to look a gift-horse in the mouth, so I want to personally thank you for finally writing two sentences on the mere existence of my band. I know it can be a rough job, and well, this IS our last show following eight hard years of notoriety for quality as pioneers of our sound. But hey, at least now I can't go on saying you guys never wrote about us.
I'm working on an Indie-rock band now and were gonna be sensitive vegans with messy hair and white belts! We're gonna be your new favorite band!
Jasin Angel Fell
THE MERCURY RESPONDS: It was never the Mercury's intention to mention the band Popewyrm within our paper. We apologize for our glaring oversight; it will never happen again.
GOEBBELS, MUSSOLINI, LEONARD
TO THE EDITOR: Congratulations! By endorsing Randy Leonard, you've just endorsed a jackboot thug ["Election Issue," May 6]! You call yourselves liberals? You're liberally pathetic. Six city activists are trying to force Leonard from office. Did you ever bother to wonder why? The reasons are too numerous to list here. Leonard's a hybrid mini-clone of Joe Goebbels, Dick Nixon, Joe McCarthy, and Benny Mussolini.
If you back Leonard you're either corrupt or stupid (there is no choice no. 3). We know about the Oregonian and Tribune (whose owner gave Leonard's campaign $10,000, and $20,000 to Francesconi's). But the Mercury!?! Fucking morons.
You got it right about Francesconi (and Lakeman as well). What happened? Maybe it's time to cut back on the ganja. If you like George Bush, you'll LOVE Randy Leonard. Stick to things you know about: getting drunk and screwing.
CONGRATS TO BILL for winning the Mercury "Letter of the Week," and for setting the new record for "Comparing Randy Leonard to a series of despots and mass murderers." Bill gets two tickets to the Laurelhurst, two passes to see Zao at Nocturnal on May 28, and will go on to compete in the "Comparing Randy Leonard to a series of despots and mass murderers" Olympics this summer in Greece.