TO THE EDITOR: Did anyone else notice that in the "Let's Go Road Trip" section of the PM the writers are only mentioned by initials [May 20]? Well, one of those initials is JB...
At first I thought it was someone who wouldn't want to be associated with the Mercury, like Chuck Palinickik or Richard Meeker's son. Why else would someone hide behind initials? That's when it hit me: It's because of the PMUGYG [the "Portland Mercury User's Group Yahoo Group, http://groups.yahoo.com/ group/portlandmercuryusersgroup/]. And who would hide from the PMUGYG? Josh Berezin, co-founder of the PMUGYG. I know Josh well, and he's been really secretive lately. Also, he's been working on Phil Busse's campaign for mayor, and Phil Busse edited the "Let's Go Road Trip" section. Josh has been unemployed, so how is it he can buy me a beer at the Silverado and tip the new dancer a fiver? Just where is that money coming from? Has Josh become an insider? Is he secretly telling The Hump of my longtime man-crush? I demand the truth.
ENOUGH HIDING! WE WANT TO KNOW WHO WROTE THE SUMMER SECTION!! TELL US WHO JB AND THE REST ARE!!!
Mikey, PMUGYG co-founder
PETER JACKSON: FRESH AS A DAISY!
TO THE MERCURY: In the beginning paragraph of his film review [Evil Cult, May 27] Billy Humphrey says that homemade filmmakers are able to achieve "a freshness that a million Peter Jacksons could never duplicate." I would expect a man with a masturbatory obsession with pop and cult culture to know that the P-Jizzle's greatest works are exactly such homemade films. Bad Taste, Dead Alive, and Meet The Feebles are three of the best backyard films ever released, taking sometimes stale material (zombies, alien invasion) and bringing rapetastic originality to the subject. How dare Humphrey reduce one of the very champions of shit-cult films...
Oh, but Peter Jackson sucks now--that elf movie was crap.
WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY RESPONDS: Don't call me "Billy."
STARBUCKS MAKES PEOPLE STUPID
TO FRED BEAR: [In response to Fred's letter of May 26, in which he believes smaller coffee companies should thank Starbucks for introducing fancy coffee to the masses.] Yes, my thanks goes to Starbucks for educating the masses-- but now they're just making people stupid.
You think my business could not be in existence had it not been for The Green Giant? Fuck you! Peets Coffee started in Berkeley in 1966, five years before the first 'Buckys was born in Seattle. Californians were enjoying espresso drinks in independent cafes and in various cities for at least 20 years before the Green Army arrived. Starbucks is not responsible for other successful coffee shops. It's caffeine, that habit forming drug that's made to order.
Anne Dierker, Mojo Cafe on Powell
LIFE BEFORE STARBUCKS
DEAR FRED: Get your head outta your ass and do a little time travel (ie. research). There was life in Portland BEFORE Starbucks hit the scene. Hell, Coffee People was leading the march with their IMMEDIATE CARE CENTER, on NW 23rd, before it was even all that trendy. CP was joined by other wonderful local roasters and shops, such as Kobos, and K&F. Starbucks didn't even land on 23rd until some lame ass yuppy clothing shop disappeared, and the spot RIGHT NEXT TO Coffee People became vacant. Sadly, CP kinda went to the dogs--but I blame that on Starbucks, too!
I WANT MY MONEY BACK!
DEAR JUSTIN SANDERS: I just ran across a theater review you wrote some time ago, Forgetting the Last Kiss [Theater, Dec 6, 2001]. You remember, the Michael McClafferty one man show, the guy you called "cute as hell" and " ...Like Woody Allen." In case that doesn't jog your memory, then your own words might: "he is, quite possibly, the most endearing performer I have ever seen in Portland."
Well, I went to this show based on your review. I even paid for a friend. That's why I am writing. I want my money back!
That was the worst thing I have ever seen! It was horrible! The next time a guy tries to buy free publicity by sending you a bottle of your favorite hard stuff, do me a favor... drink it. Then, after you sober up, write the review.
CONGRATULATIONS TO ROB for winning the Mercury "Letter of the Week." You will receive two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater as well as two passes to see Agent Orange at the Ash Street on June 18. As for getting your money back for the play you attended, we discussed your situation and decided you should suck it.