MY CAR IS NOT A BILLBOARD!
TO THE MERCURY: I hate to bitch. I hate to be one of those "car people" who gets a stick up her ass every time she gets a scratch or blemish on her precious automobile... but this is annoying, and I can't keep quiet anymore! Greek Cusina, along with a few other local merchants, has decided to put postcards on cars around town in order to advertise their establishment. Well, guess what, geniuses? When it rains, the postcards seal themselves to the windshield, making it pretty much impossible to remove them without the aid of "Goo Off" and a pad of steel wool.
Do you really think this will make me come to your Sunday Brunch, Ted Papas? Do you think that by violating the law (yes, it's illegal), you will inspire hundreds of patrons to frequent your establishment? I understand your need to market to your potential customers, but do it in a way that doesn't piss us off!
THE REAL GEEK
TO THE EDITOR: This is for "Mr. Hip" Erik Henriksen. Nice of you to feature something comics-oriented, but you forgot something very obvious--the true comics community is made up of geeks [Destination Fun, Stumptown Comics Fest, June 3]. Now I know "geek" is extremely hip right now, but I don't mean indie rock/hipster geek. I mean the real geeks, the intelligent outcasts that played Magic in junior high while you made fun of them and hiply listened to grunge and Snoop Dogg.
Now pretty much anything in this city with an ounce of underground coolness has been taken over by scenester fucks, exploiting it until it's sucked dry and turned to shit. But the twice yearly Portland Comic Con you mentioned in your article is not for the too-cool-for-school crowd--it's for the real people. Not a fucking fashion show where scenesters can strut down their runway and "oooh" and "aaah" over each other's generic black/brown wardrobes, sip wine, and snub each other (which I'm sure the Stumptown indie comic extravaganza will be).
Just become the fucking yuppies you're destined to be and go to First Thursday like the rest of them. Stay out of the comic scene before you contaminate it more than you already have.
DAMNED FERAL HOMELESS KIDS!
TO THE EDITOR: I have read many complaints about how the Portland Business Alliance has say in how money is spent to deal with the youths of downtown Portland. I, for one, think they should. v As the victim of a mugging in the Pioneer Courthouse Square Area in 1997, as a longtime former resident of the Portland area (until 2002), and frequent visitor, I can tell you that few if any cities in this nation would tolerate the feral youths that Portland attracts. These rude, arrogant, and supposedly homeless youths are a blight and a blemish on the city. They make the business district unsafe.
They need to be in school or juvenile detention facilities or out looking for work. They must not be allowed to stand about all day bumming money from hardworking, decent citizens. If the Business Alliance wishes to protect its interests by seeing that these youths are not allowed to continue to run the city instead of the police, whose sworn duty it is to crack heads and kick ass, then I say more power to the Business Alliance.
Macgilvray Borden, Clovis, CA
TO THE WORLD: We finally got rid of the man who would plague my youth [Former President Ronald Reagan, who perished last Saturday]. One of my first really big disappointments was when they (Ron's administration) pulled the plug on the gifted program I was in as a kid. Thanks Ron! Look at me now! If my gift had been nurtured instead of tortured... well, who knows? I might have been a respected local television meteorologist or a muralist for McMenamin's by now. Sigh. Fuck you, Ron!
The current administration is declaring a national day of mourning on Friday, which means all government agencies will be closed. That includes post offices and Army National Guard recruitment stations, so plan accordingly.
In the meantime, I plan to "send off" the fucker by eating a giant pile of government cheese nachos and listening to as much JFA, Reagan Youth, and Dead Kennedys as possible. Hell is going to be a lot warmer than California, Ronnie--a lot warmer.
Lance Chess, Mercury Director of Circulation
Though it's a controversial move to award the Mercury "Letter of the Week" to one of our own, why don't you write us a letter and complain about it? In the meantime, Lance wins two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, two passes to see The X-ecutioners at Berbati's on June 19, and a Ronald Reagan "Win One for the Gipper" commemorative plate.