SOMEONE FOUND FANTASIA
DEAR MERCURY—You wondered, "Whatever happened to Fantasia Barrino," season three winner of American Idol [Up & Coming, May 10]. She has won numerous awards and was even nominated for four Grammys for her debut CD. She enjoyed a stint on The New York Times best seller list for her biography, five top 10 hits on the charts from her platinum-selling debut CD, critical acclaim from her newest effort—CD self-titled Fantasia—and the second highest-rated Lifetime movie in the history of Lifetime Television, for the film adaptation of her best-selling book. Where is she, indeed.
DEAR MERCURY—Go out to the Fresh Pot, trip on a laptop cord, and spill your mocha, and you would splash at least three illustrators who can draw their way out of a wet paper bag. Demo Fregosi, however, is not included in that list. Oh Mercury, we laughed with you when you dissed on the Willy Week's light bulb man, but now you have no street cred from whence to heckle. Not only do you feature a comic strip of clip art [Dinosaur Comics], but you let your art director grace your pages with an illustration bearing all the finesse of an 8th grade dropout's margin doodle ["Buzz Kill," News, May 10].
WHAT WOULD JESUS SMOKE?
DEAR EDITOR OF THE PORTLAND MERCURY—It's time America stops persecuting responsible adult cannabis users ["Buzz Kill," News, May 10]. One reason to stop persecuting humans for using the God-given plant cannabis that doesn't get mentioned is because it's Biblically correct, since Christ God Our Father indicates He created all the seed-bearing plants, saying they are all good, on literally the very first page.
A SLIPPERY SLOPE
TO THE EDITOR—In the mid-1800s, when ethnic business on the Lower East Side of New York City began paying young, sturdy men to protect their businesses, the city's establishment labeled the protectors criminal gangs, and set to stamping them out. The thing is, the retailers who hired these groups felt they had to do this because the city's police force wasn't giving them the protection they felt they deserved ["Trust Me I'm a Rent-a-Cop," Feature, May 3]. In order to maintain domestic tranquility, we need to have a police force worthy of the public's trust: responsive, fair, civil, and reasonable to all parties. Private security is okay within an establishment, but we can't let them roam the streets, acting like cops.
NOT JOCKIN' IT
DEAR MERCURY—A week's bated breath culminating in... the Rock 'n' Jock Issue [Feature, May 10]?! Given the choice between sitting on my ass watching others throw balls around or sitting on my ass reading about how those that get paid obscene amounts of money to throw said balls around are vaguely connected to music, I prefer sitting on my ass writing to you and telling you how absolutely lame they both are.
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM
DEAR MERCURY—Ezra Ace Caraeff's article on the Minnesota Twins and the Hold Steady reminded me of my youthful love of said kick-ass baseball team ["The Minnesota Twins & The Hold Steady," Rock 'n' Jock Issue, May 10]. I had a dream where I was rediscovering one of my favorite rock bands: the Twins. This band was fronted by David Hasselhoff and included both Kirby Puckett and Bono. Unfortunately, I never got to hear their music in the dream, but got the impression that they sounded a little like U2.
CONGRATULATIONS TO DAN for his rock 'n' jock dream, which just won him the letter of the week! Score! He gets two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, and lunch for two at No Fish! Go Fish!, where rockers and jocks eat at the same table.
DEPT. OF CORRECTIONS
Last week in our Rock 'n' Jock Issue, the article about the Blazers' musical preferences ["What the Blazers Are Listening To," Rock 'n' Jock Issue, May 10] was misattributed to Matt Driscoll, when in fact it was Andrew R. Tonry who hung out in the Blazers' locker room—an error for which he has understandably labeled us "toads."