TO THE MERCURY: Do me a favor ["The World of the Juggalo," Nov 25, in which Zac and Marjorie attend an Insane Clown Posse concert]. Go back to your offices, replace the word "Juggalo" with the word "Hipster," the letters "ICP" with "The Pixies," and the word "angry" with "apathetic." NOW you have an article. An article that may actually require the involvement of Zac and Marjorie. They might learn something in the process, too, instead of insulting an entire crowd by acting like a couple of black-face performers attending a Jay-Z show.
Then again, this IS Portland. Making fun of other cultures while overtly participating in their rituals is commonplace. And just for the record, we saw you there. "Is that the bitch that works for the Mercury?" Yes, yes it is. And she's here to make fun of you for irony's sake while getting paid. Maybe we should wait until they publish a condescending article about us in a concerned-parent voice before we cover the Mercury offices with "ghetto-brand soda."
DK of 1Hrx
TEARS OF A CLOWN
TO THE EDITOR: The next time you write an analysis of something outside of your own familiarity zone ["The World of the Juggalo"], I suggest trying to keep the people you are analyzing in mind. Or, better yet, don't write anything at all.
I have read too many false arguments behind the word "Juggalo," and the real definition is something intangible. Juggalos know they are Juggalos because they feel it. They can't describe it, can't define it. Sometimes, the more you seek to understand the truly pure and beautiful things in this world, it simply becomes clinical and fake.
A butterfly is a beautiful creature, I knew this long before dissecting one in biology class. Knowing what made it tick did not make it any more beautiful. And it did not make those around me who could not see the beauty suddenly open their eyes to this thing that to me was so clear.
The Juggalo community does not seek understanding so do not attempt to bring it to us. If we need your definitions, we will seek them. You want to group us all together as blind followers hiding behind our golden clown gods, and yet we continually prove all the theorems wrong. So once again... leave us alone, all of you, everywhere. We do not seek nor do we need your tributes. Our tributes are etched in hatchet red in the word of The Dark Carnival.
JUGGALO, GO HOME!
DEAR MERCURY: This is for all you pissed Juggalos out there ["Letters," Dec 2]. What is this shit? Here we are as readers, humbly out of the know when it comes to your "underground." So we try to delve in, try to understand. Instead, we're just slapped in the face with the cool reality that you're all ignorant consumers and you think you're so fucking underground. We tried to understand, tried to get in the know--but THAT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK FOR YOU. Thanks for demeaning all Insane Clown Posse fans out there with your sick, warped fantasy. Just go home and beat your wife.
SIX FEWER REPUBLICANS
TO ANN ROMANO: I absolutely agree with your statement in "One Day at a Time" [Dec 2] that the Wisconsin shooting incident resulted in six fewer Republicans. We can only hope rednecks will continue to kill each other, and the Christians who can't afford healthcare--but believe Jesus will save them--will quickly perish.
DAMN YOU SHIT-FLINGING APES
TO THE EDITOR: Regarding Ann Romano's column about those folks in Wisconsin who got plow-plowed by Vang--that little blurb was in BAD TASTE. Damn yo, those people got shot! Shit, you fools are some crazy ignorant schlep rocks. Your periodical is normally funny but today you crushed my spirit by laughing at someone's innocent pain and DEATH. Damn you, I hate you for what you are, you shit-flinging apes. Have a good day, you BASTARD journalists with your cheeky sense humor and anonymity.
THE MERCURY 'S RESIDENT MUPPET
HELLO: I couldn't help noticing when reading "The Drunk Olympics" article [Dec 2], that Erik Henriksen looks like The Count from Sesame Street (you know, that vampire puppet with the monocle in one eye). It would be great if you did a comparison of Erik and The Count side by side so we could see their similarities.
GOOD IDEA, KYLE! And for your sharp eye, you win the Mercury "Letter of the Week!" which includes two tickets to the Laurelhurst and two passes to see Lifesavas at Berbati's on New Year's Eve. (Another similarity between Erik and The Count? Both have a hand inside their ass.)