TO THE EDITOR: I can contain my rage no longer. The big advertising dollars have kept you alive too long, while other papers that actually have ideas have withered on the vine. How do your writers and editors sleep at night? Oh yeah, you pass out drunk. That must explain why all of you peaked-in-high-school morons are still writing weekly "features" on different ways you self-absorbed assholes can get drunk. No one gives a shit, and when you brain-dead 20-somethings find yourselves still sharing crappy rental houses with a bunch of younger losers 10 years down the road, while you cook up yet more ridiculous "think-pieces" which you'll post on your blogs because no one will hire you to even scrub toilets, then you'll know that even those who wash diapers for a living command more respect than your four-cents-a-word, pathetic, shallow lives.
CANDY: A "LIFESAVER" FOR ALCOHOLICS
TO THE MERCURY: [Re: The Candy Issue, "I Hate Candy," Dec 23]. I think it's goddamn funny that Marjorie Skinner and Katie Shimer hate candy when MS looks like she just ate a handful of Sour Patch Kids, and KS… well, I don't know what KS looks like… but the point is, PUT DOWN THE BOTTLE GIRLS!
I'm willing to wager my left foot that if either of you stopped drinking for a week, we'd find you on the street corner, face covered in chocolate, begging for Snickers. Just because your candy is in liquid form does NOT make you better than us! I know you guys are cool BECAUSE you drink so much (I'm guilty of that as well), but if you ever DO stop drinking, trust me, that candy you hate will probably save your life.
PROUD AS A PEACOCK
TO WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY: [Re: "20 things Not Invited Back to 2005," specifically #2, "Peacock Lane," Dec 30]. I happen to live on that shithole of a street, and if you're going to criticize it, do it right. You state that every home on the street is under contract to decorate their house. No, people just do it because it's "tradition." Some stupid fuck I overheard while trying to walk down the street said that people who live here get free electricity. NO FREE ELECTRICITY, NO CONTRACTS. If you think the lights suck, then don't go down the fucking lane. Merry fucking Christmas.
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS ANYWAY
TO WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY: I was reading "20 Things Not Invited Back to 2005," but only made it to "Support Our Troop Magnets" when I yelled, "THAT'S BULLSHIT!"
WSH writes, "Soldiers can refuse to fight in a war they don't believe in… " This is twisted fucking logic! Let's start with the most recent news items concerning soldiers who can "refuse to fight": Sgt. Emiliano Santiago. His eight-year contract was just about to terminate, when this goddamned administration decided to keep him on another 27 years! How about the soldiers who refused to take part in a mission with an unarmored vehicle... and were COURT-MARTIALED?! How about the back-door draft, and college students with an army background being PULLED OUT to fight in the war?!
Whatever your vendetta is against these magnets, WSH, I say, "Support our troops, bring them home."
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT
DEAR EDITOR: As a videojournalist who's covered combat in numerous areas of the world, I need to comment on a review in this week's Mercury ["Outside of Iraq," Erik Henriksen, Dec 30].
Usually I like the eclectic, rather slurring articles in your paper, but I found the review of Mike Shiley's film Inside Iraq to be what can at best be called a Politically Correct ACLU review. Sure I'm liberal, but good Lord--what do you want Mike to do? I find that so often the radical anti-war crowd is only comfortable slamming America and our military, while praising the insurgents killing our people. No, I don't want a news media reflecting some PR spokesman's BS. Mike did everything but that. He covered the war as an independent and risked his life to bring back remarkable footage that shows the unvarnished truth.
Say Erik, how about you go to Iraq like I did in 1991, or to Afghanistan in 2001-02? War is not pretty, nor is it easy to cover. Rather than write thumb-up-the-butt reviews, how about making a film yourself, or go to the war zone and see what it takes to "Really Do It"!
CONGRATS TO JIM who "really did it"… and won the Mercury "Letter of the Week!" Jim takes home two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater and a pass for two to see the new Jennifer Garner flick, Elektra. See? It pays to serve your country!