TO THE EDITOR VIA VOICE MAIL: "Hey Editor! My name is Matt and I've been a loyal Mercury reader for years. But this issue finally, finally offended me ["One Day at a Time," July 21]. You did it when Ann Romano accused the Pope of being jealous "because Harry Potter has that cool lightning shaped scar, and the witch you worship (Jesus) only has dumb stigmata marks." Now… that's too over the line, I think. That's really digging in deep, okay? So watch that stuff!"
TO THE EDITOR: Ann Morono's "One Day at a Time" column was a new milestone in blatantly hateful, intolerant bigotry [July 21, in which Ann called Scientologists "ugly crazy people"]. As an "ugly, crazy person" whose faith Ms. Morono called "stupid," I'd like to try Ms. Morono's quotes on some other minorities, both religious and cultural--shall we? "Jews are ugly, crazy people…" or, maybe, "homosexuals are ugly, crazy people…", or "the disabled are ugly, crazy people…."
Ms. Morono may not find those versions of her distasteful statements quite as amusing, but I can only vainly hope it might drive her to the much needed, "Tolerance and Etiquette for Grown-ups 101."
TO WILL GARDNER: I've never responded to shit I've read in the Mercury, but I read your review for the movie Watermarks [Film Shorts, July 28] and felt compelled to comment on your horrifying use of adjectives. You said "…the film never gets mushy-Holocausty…". What the hell does that mean? That is the most offensive thing I've ever heard. You insult my intelligence, my humanity, and my heritage. Does your thesaurus also include phrases like "kooky ku klux klansy" or "whiney rape victomy"? Try having more respect for your audience and yourself.
STRAIGHT FROM BLOG TOWN, USA!
[Editor's Note: The following is an entry from this week's PDX Politik blog. Join in the fun at www.portlandmercury.com and hit Blog Town, USA!] "I see some people are up in arms about pharmacists refusing to fill certain prescriptions such as the morning-after contraceptive pill [News, "War of the Uterus," July 28]. Frankly, if we want freedom for people to follow their moral/ethical views, we can't limit the freedom of those whose ideas differ from our own.
If a pharmacist is willing to lose business over something he doesn't want to be a passive participant in… well, there are other pharmacies and other pharmacists. Turn it around, and you'll see that someday the shoe could easily be on the other foot, with a customer asking for a drug to do something YOU don't believe in (e.g., imagine there is a drug which can "flip" homosexuals into heterosexuals). Would you want someone to legislate away your ability to opt out?"
I, MUGGLE SCUM
TO THE MERCURY: I'm the muggle scum that ruined the ending of the latest Harry Potter novel for two whining, prevaricating hipsters ["I, Anonymous," July 28]. Just want to set the record straight: I did not "read aloud" from the last chapter (although that would've been a pretty funny prank to pull, albeit completely evil). What happened was this: I told my friend there was speculation amongst obsessive online Potter fans that a certain character meets a certain fate at the end of the book. I then turned to the table of contents and read the title of the last chapter, not the last chapter itself. I then turned to the back of the book to see how many pages it was. I may be guilty of being obnoxious and loud, but suicidal I'm not, and that's what I'd have to be to spoil the ending in a store full of rabid fanatics at a midnight release party.
For what it's worth, if I actually did ruin the book for you, I'm sorry. Then again, given that Harry Potter is a fantasy adventure novel and not a whodunit murder mystery, I think you should get a grip. By the way, when you're trying to insult someone, you could do better than calling them a "porcelain doll." Although the "trained by dementors" bit was hilarious.
FOR HER TEARFUL CONFESSION, "Muggle Scum" wins the Mercury "Letter of the Week" which includes two tickets to the Laurelhurst, two passes to see Lifesavas and the Coup at Berbati's in October, and a $30 dinner at No Fish! Go Fish! Now, don't just stand there… Evanesco!