THOU SHALT NOT MOCK ARCADE FIRE
HEY MERCURY: To whomever writes the music reviews, what do you expect the Arcade Fire to do ["My, What a Busy Week," Zac Pennington, Sept 15]? You mock them for "playing every shitty music festival." I would KILL to play any of those festivals as would any musician who's played their fair share of bullshit shows. Instead of making an effort at showing us WHY you hate them, you make some blanket statement about how they suck because they are trying to make a living by playing music. Try writing a review that actually talks about the music, asshole.
QUEEN OF THE MOUNTAIN BIKES
DEAR EDITOR: In your PDX 101 section, Scott Moore wrote about how to go about obtaining a bike ["Back to School Guide," Sept 22]. In regards to his comment, "If you're just planning to ride around the streets of Portland, DO NOT buy a mountain bike—unless you're actually trying to look like a total douchebag."
I have one thing to say... Fuck You! I'm a hardcore chick, born and raised in Portland and I ride my damn mountain bike all over the place. I'm tired of looking at stupid bike messengers on their lame single speeds and their girlfriends on their beater cruisers. Go back to the East Coast or California or wherever the fuck you're from. And you know what all those road bikers/triathlon motherfuckers can do? Shove their frail bikes up their ass along with their stupid padded bike shorts that they paid $150 for.
While all of you wannabe hardcore motherfuckers are worrying about not hitting a big-ass pothole in the road, I'm flying right over it with ease, laughing the whole way. Whether you think you're cool because you have a $4,000 bike or a $20 bike, I'm letting you know right now that you're not. Fuck bike snobbery!
BUBBLE = BOOBIES
TO THE EDITOR: In your review of bubble tea joints in Portland ["Order Up," Sept 22], your reviewer notes that coconut beads "[have] no resemblance to a bubble." Had your reviewer done a bit more research, he or she would have found that bubble tea is probably just a transliteration of the original name, or a crappy translation.
Bubble tea was invented in the 1980s in Taiwan, where it is known as boba. The word "boba" is slang for breast. So the tapioca balls are known as boba, because of the similarity of shape or texture, or the association with milk. In any case, "bubble" tea, whether named out of ignorance or out of prudishness, tastes just as good, and I look forward to touring Portland's boba establishments.
BETTER DREAD THAN DEAD
TO THE EDITOR: This is in response to the "I, Anonymous" ignoramus who "obviously" should get his "dumb" head out of his tight ass [Sept 22, in which the anonymous writer bemoans "dumb" looking white dreadlocks]. A lot of people lead their lives ruled by the image of beauty that society (i.e., assholes like you) deems appropriate. I live my life according to my own standards. My dreads are gorgeous because they represent a proverbial "fuck you" to your boxed thought, not because they are a trendy fashion accessory
I would also like to clear up a common myth, dreads are only as dirty as the person who dons them. In other words—THEY CAN, AND SHOULD, BE WASHED. Good hygiene is essential to a healthy and balanced body, which, in turn, helps maintain clear mental functioning. So as long as your "normal dude" head is so deeply embedded up your feces canal, you might consider using those short bristles for a little scrubbing action. Maybe then the brain fog will clear and you'll gain some perspective.
CONGRATS TO EVE for winning the Mercury "Letter of the Week!" For her hair-raising defense of dreads, Eve will receive two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, two passes to see The Lashes at Dante's on Thursday, Oct 6 and a $30 gift certificate from No Fish! Go Fish! (who rank way up there on the hygiene scale).
Looking to waste time at work? Check out our newest party online, Blog Town, USA! Chat about the latest gossip with Ann Romano, movies, music, politics, food, TV with Wm. Steven Humphrey, queer stuff, sports betting, artsy stuff, fashion, submit and read "I, Anonymous," get drunk with Katie Shimer, and complain about the Mercury with the Portland Mercury Users Group! Go to the brand spankin' new portlandmercury.com for a visit to the funnest town around—Blog Town, USA!