THE FACE OF FEAR
DEAR MERCURY: The face of fear has made itself visible from behind the cringing facade of self-righteousness. I am speaking of the Mercury's endorsement of Paul van Orden for Sheriff ["Who You Will Vote For 2006," May 4]. The best choice for Multnomah County sheriff is Don DuPay. DuPay spent almost 20 years of his life investigating crimes ranging from theft to murder. It is undisputed that he has the requisite five years of law enforcement experience to serve as sheriff. I admit I don't know whether van Orden is eligible or not, but I shouldn't have to ask, and neither should the voters who are being asked by the Mercury to vote for him.
DEMOCRACY OR ARISTOCRACY?
DEAR MERCURY: I agree with your endorsement of Erik Sten ["Who You Will Vote For 2006," May 4], but I wonder why anyone aside from the wealthy elite would vote for Ginny Burdick. She and her handlers from the Portland Business Alliance can shill and spin all they want about Erik Sten wasting our tax dollars on Voter-Owned Elections, but the bottom line is that by opposing VOE, Burdick believes people with the most money should have the loudest voice. Do we support democracy or aristocracy? Erik Sten's championing of VOE has pushed Portland politics further toward democracy. While Ginny Burdick can lay claim to many decent achievements, with her opposition to VOE she has sided with the aristocrats.
DEAR MERCURY: I was just wondering if you could give me Derrick's [Police Chief Derrick Foxworth] email address. I read the emails that you published ["The Sexy Side of Foxworth," April 13] and I think he's really hot. He obviously likes white chicks, and I think he would like me.
AN UN-SUCKY SHIT-EATER
DEAR MERCURY: HOLY SHIT!!!!!! [Music Editor] Adam Gnade didn't suck this week! What's all this about "Support the locals. Support the weird." [Up & Coming, May 4], actually interviewing your sources ["Firestarter PDX," Music, May 4], and getting all fucking emo and supportive of the DIY music scene [It's Who You Know, May 4]??? It's almost like you live in the same town as the rest of us. Keep up the good work, you shit-eating motherfucker.
SNOOZIN' ON THE LOOSE
DEAR MERCURY: I just watched [Loose Change] at Fifth Avenue Cinemas, and then read your review of it. It was one word: "Snore" [Film Shorts, May 4, in which the film earns a "Snore" for its premise of whether "we really know the truth about 9/11"]. If you had been in the theater tonight, you would not have written a one-word review, unless you really are the pack of flippant drunk Republican fakes some of you come across as. Go watch it (free at seeloosechange.com) and don't insult those of your readers who actually ARE liberals and intelligent, with a one-word putdown of a movie that's infinitely more important than every single show on television this week.
Tony le Tigre
TAKE BACK THE BLOWJOB
DEAR MERCURY: I'm laughing my ass off at the whiney-pants complaining about your April 27 cover [Letters, May 4, in which an anonymous reader is offended by a photo in which a girl is sitting on the floor in front of a guy, doing... well, what is she doing? See the winning suggestions from our "What Is This Girl Doing?" contest on pg. 5! (In this case both letter writers seem to think she's giving him a blowjob.)]. At what point did giving a guy a blowjob become exploitive and suppressive? I'll admit it's not my favorite activity sometimes, but exploitive? Suppressive? I think not. It would be more exploitive for me to expect the same goodies from my husband, but not give him a li'l love in return. These girls need to stop letting themselves feel so suppressed and finally take the power of the Blowjob into their own hands. Guys can be reduced to wobbly jelly by good head. What's un-empowering about that?
CONGRATULATIONS TO SHANNON for encouraging women and men alike to give each other the "goodies" through healthy, joyful fellatio and cunnilingus, unfettered by that turned-off feeling of being exploited. (Unless feeling exploited turns you on.) She's getting two tickets to see the Liars on Thursday, June 8 at Dante's, and $30 to No Fish! Go Fish!, where the exploitation don't smell like fish!