THE REAL BEST OF RUSSELL
DEAR MERCURY: I read Jonathan Hill's well-stewed rant about Erik Henriksen's I'm Staying Home [Letters, May 11, in which Mr. Hill writes in to lambaste Henriksen for not including Big Trouble in Little China in his Kurt Russell video picks]. Shame on, and fuck, BOTH Mr. Hill and Mr. Henriksen. Used Cars is without a doubt Kurt's best acting role. It's so goddamned funny I'd darn near shit myself in laughter.
LESS COP, MORE ACTION
DEAR MERCURY: In response to your article on wanting more cops in SE ["Off Duty," News, May 18, which describes an incident during which Pamela Pitra had difficulty summoning police to respond to a threatening crackhead at her door]. I live in Sullivan's Gulch. I have found recently there has been an abundance of cops riding around, but not actually doing anything worthwhile. They need to be attending to serious incidents like those of Ms. Pitra's.
TO THE MERCURY (Or rather, to poor Pitra): You unfortunate thing! I can only imagine how fucking pissed you must've been when you read your news story ["Off Duty," News, May 18] only to flip the page to read the news story about police resources being used on jay-riding bikers ["Bike Bust," News, May 18]. Apparently you need "25 complaints" to get the police off their ass, probably because the phone keeps interrupting their sleep!
CRUNCH THE NUMBERS
DEAR MERCURY: Ann Romano's mockery of Bush ("...like making fun of a retarded person—except retarded people are rarely responsible for the deaths of nearly 39,000 Iraqi civilians") [One Day at a Time, May 11] would have been funny had she not used Bush's statistics. The only scientifically valid study of which I know, The Lancet Study, claimed a conservative estimate was more than 100,000. That was in October of 2004.
MY SANDWICH IS BETTER
DEAR MIMI WETLAND: In regards to your "sandwich" in last week's Mercury [Letters, May 18, in which Wetland defends the Redwing's veggie sandwich]. The title of "Best Sandwich in Portland" already belongs to the TLP at the Red & Black Cafe. The TLP is comprised of tempeh-bacon, lettuce, roasted red pepper, and slathered with a delicious herbed vegan mayonnaise. I took my taste buds over to the Redwing in order to confirm exactly how wrong you are. After three bites I was LESS than uninspired. I attempted to feed the remains of your blandwich to a starving dog, but it opted to lick its own butt instead.
THE "POLITICS" OF ART
DEAR MERCURY: I wanted to comment on the review of Internal Guidance Systems [Visual Art, May 18]. I feel his [Chas Bowie's] review is unfair. If the writer knows anything at all about "Outsider Art," the show has many well-known, highly respected artists such as Mr. Imagination, Norbert Kox, Cynthia Lund Torroll, and countless names—just because your writer did not know these things, he calls them imitators.
Anne Grgich, co-curator
HUMPY: I am writing in hopes that you, with all your diaper gravy-esque powers, can answer what the fuck happened to the greatest show on TV [Wonder Showzen, which Humpy has praised on numerous occasions]? The last two episodes I've caught have been performance art shit. Could you confirm this suspicion, that they're trying to get fired? I'm writing to you cuz you're the evil genius that recommended this show, and you have the contacts.
While Wonder Showzen maybe turning into suck, free stuff never does. That's why Andie can turn off the tube and enjoy two free tix to the Laurelhurst Theater, and $30 to No Fish! Go Fish!, a restaurant also run by evil geniuses.